ERP for somatic ocd

thank you so much! excellent explanation!

Thank u so much for taking the time to share this, it really means a lot.. i really have a hard time with the blinking ocd.. the other one are fine i will think about them even more and it goes, but blinking i can’t find a solution to it.. because it goes with the eyes and the awareness could you please spare a minute to help me understand better. I am so grateful thank u!

@Anonymous When I struggled with blinking, It was very similar to what you’re explaining to me. I kept trying to find certainty and find how to get rid of the awareness of blinking. Noticing that is the compulsion, and if you spend your time and energy on trying to get rid of the awareness, or when to blink, or not trying to blink etc are the compulsions. That’s the first step is realizing, the thought, feeling or sensation doesn’t matter. Just the compulsions are the only thing your brain cares about. I found it so odd that my brain would just randomly jump from theme to theme about the weirdest things. Until one day, great teachers told me, your brain will throw up any thought, feeling or sensation you don’t like to get you to perform that compulsion, that your brain so desperately wants. I can almost guarantee you don’t like anxiety. I didn’t like anxiety. So how is my brain going to protect me? It’s going to keep coming up with themes that I feel uncertain about, so I perform a compulsion to feel better. That’s all that is going on here. You don’t have “Somatic OCD” no one really has OCD. OCD is how psychiatrists label a disorder, that’s true…. But everyone has thoughts. Everyone has anxiety. But what separates people who do have OCD from “normal” individuals is- the normal person has a thought, feeling or sensation and carry’s on with their day, or do something they value. In laymens terms- that’s all. It’s actually a very simple concept. People who are labeled with OCD have the “doubting disease” and always have to feel certain. We label anxiety as a bad thing. So is the answer to ignore everything and just live life? No not ignore. I believe there’s a fine line between ignoring and accepting. Accepting is the practice of NOT doing anything. When you ignore something, you’re actually doing something. It’s the same thing as stepping outside and trying to ignore the clouds. You don’t keep your head down and keep reassuring yourself and checking to see if the clouds are still there. You don’t actually ignore the clouds. You don’t hate on the clouds. You just accept them, by continuing what you are doing or something you value. Do you value hating the clouds all day? Do you value checking the clouds to make sure they’re not some weird shape? Do you value controlling when you go outside to avoid certain clouds? So approach the blinking with the same concept on how you accept the clouds in the sky. You can constantly being doing compulsions around blinking. You can keep putting your focus on it, you can hate it, you can hate the anxiety it brings, you can keep checking to see if you’re blinking or try to control when you blink.. you can do those things…. But is that something you value? Of course it’s not. So cutting out the compulsions around the blinking is the key. If you have a thought about blinking, that’s just a thought, which happens all the time. Now continue on with what you were doing or do something you value.

@outdoorman This is great. I spoke to you about swallowing and saliva about a week ago. I watched some recovery videos and saw some people say it took years to get over this theme and I panicked because I was recovering so well before a bout of covid and health anxiety which led to this. I feel I’m a bit weird I’m pretty good at accepting and not engaging all day until around night time when I’m less busy I guess. I get to a point where I can’t take it anymore and then need reassurance. It’s more outward compulsions with me with all my ocd but I feel like no one talks about that with this. I know if I just don’t seek the damn reassurance my brain will learn but I dread sitting with it and ask god how long would I have to do this. Does that make sense? I have a recovery discord I’m in and I use that as reassurance when I already know the advice. But throughout the day I sense the awareness but I’m leaving it alone as I do what I want and need to do. I’m just scared I’ve created a whole new mess for myself that’s a new animal but it’s been going on for only a month and been constant for about 2 weeks so I figure I can reverse this quickly

@outdoorman Curious what you think

@Anonymous Yeah! Realizing you go to the recovery discord to seek reassurance as a compulsion is key. That’s good you see that! Notice your brain likes when you seek reassurance. My suggestion would be- Next time you go on the discord, try giving advice or sharing what has helped you in your journey, instead of posting questions and trying to seek reassurance. I only come on this app to “give” to another member. I never post a question to seek reassurance. I value giving to others. That’s how I want to spend my time and energy. This is a great concept for mental health. Not just for people who struggle with mental illness.

@outdoorman Awesome thank you yes I know where I go wrong. I just don’t get why I can do it 75% of the day then I break. But I’m guilty of how long will this take too

@Anonymous i’m the same. in the day i’m ok because i’m busy and other things are more important. and then at night it all just spills out. you’re not alone. we can do this!!

@outdoorman Man I killed it yesterday but felt down again. I’m just scared cause it was coming and going when it first started and now the last 2 weeks it’s everyday and I feel I’ve done a fairly decent job accepting it. I think a few thoughts triggered me and I was off to the discord again. I’m just afraid this will never end

@outdoorman Hey man can I talk to you again. I’m still really struggling with my swallowing it’s been a month and a half and I’m considering meds after I just got off. I’m having a hard time accepting

@Anonymous Sure, we can talk! But I want to stop you right there and ask you something. When you say you’re having a hard time accepting… how do you define as acceptance? What do you think that entails? Once you answer that, I’m free to give my advice!

@outdoorman Not judging progress, and I am. I just see videos on YouTube ppl saying it’s a years of recovery work but I also know others who got past it quicker. I’m only a month and a half in, but I can only accept it for a few days. Like idek how to accept it cause it’s constantly there. I understand fear is driving it. I can delete all my reassurance tactics but how do I know what I’m doing mentally? I didn’t wanna do meds but idk

@Anonymous I think I’ve mentioned it before- but I use to struggle with any theme of OCD you could think of. That includes all of the sensrimotor themes. My anxiety was so bad I had trouble leaving my house. Now I fly across the country whenever I want to…. Did it take awhile for me to cut out compulsions and learn acceptance? Yes. I didn’t time it though. I just took the necessary steps I needed to. Learning to cut out compulsions and accept isn’t a race. It almost sounds like you still struggle with “understanding” what acceptance actually is.. and that’s ok! Because I didn’t know how to accept either! But come to find out, I was accepting all kinds of things and didn’t even know it. If I walked outside and noticed a cloud I didn’t like- and said “quick that’s a bad cloud. I’m going to do 100 push-ups and keep my focus on that cloud to see if it moves all day long” Now doing something like that seems absurd, right? But.. that’s actually similar to what you’re doing in your head when something comes up you don’t like. So for example- you’re cooking at home and you have a thought about how “it feels weird when I swallow. Maybe I should focus on swallowing for the rest of my life?” You might get anxiety from that thought. That’s fine. Now- you get to choose what you do next. Are you going to perform a compulsion, like focusing on your swallowing to “check” to see if you’re swallowing normal? Are you going to seek reassurance? Are you going to “control” when you swallow? These are all compulsions. You have the choice to perform a compulsion. You can notice your swallowing, sure. There’s nothing wrong with noticing a bodily function, that’s normal. But are you going to put your focus, time and energy towards it? Compulsions are anything we do that includes- checking, coping and controling. Because you have the choice to do that or not. Thoughts, feelings and sensations you can not control.. they will always be there. But you have the choice to perform compulsions. Compulsions are not bad. Don’t confuse this… you might here people say compulsions are bad, don’t do them… they are not bad. They are things you prefer not to do. They are not something you value, so don’t do them. If you start judging compulsions as “bad” then your brain will just always be on the look out for “not doing compulsions” and then you get yourself in a whole new cycle. Plain and simple. Keep recovery simple. So when that thought comes up... Have the anxiety, that’s fine. But then continue to cook your meal. Your meal is what you value, because it’s going to nourish your body. The key to acceptance is NOT doing anything. You don’t have to do anything when you have a thought. You can have any feeling with that thought and continue cooking your meal or doing something you value. If you stick to your values, you will notice a dramatic change in your life. You’ll get anxiety, and then notice it just goes away in a snap when you go back to what you were doing and value. These are keys to great mental health.

@outdoorman I have the fear I’ll notice it forever. It’s almost like I’m manually swallowing and I just don’t know how to cope with the awareness of that all day

@outdoorman And the timeline of when I’ll feel better now is also scaring me whether with or without meds. I know that’s the wrong aim and I’m tryna take the approach this is forever in order to not fight it but I’ll make it a few days before I start worrying again

@outdoorman hey r u still active on here? suffering from blinking…

@Macyyy729 Hey! I’m still lingering around 😊 Blinking was something I performed a lot of compulsions around. I could feel my eyes drying out and tell my self “Stop blinking so much. Maybe people will notice that I’m blinking way to much? Am I going to notice my blinking every moment of my life until I die?” Notice that this is a compulsion. The compulsion is one of the more “trickier” ones, and that is ruminating. Ruminating is a little more shifty then other compulsions, because most times we don’t even notice we are doing them, because it’s nothing physical, and it’s probably something we have been doing our whole lives. Having these thoughts are normal. I learned that thoughts are just simply thoughts. They actually don’t mean anything, and they are separate from who I am. Realizing that you can’t control a random thought, feeling or sensation is normal. But, when you judge or react to a certain thought, feeling or sensation is something you do control. OCD is something we do. It doesn’t just randomly appear inside of us. It is something we most likely have been practicing our whole lives. Hopefully that gives some light on the subject! Did you have a question for me?

@outdoorman this helped me soooo much!! it wasn’t until a few hours ago i realized how many compulsions i really had with the blinking. thank you soooo much. i will go back and reread this when needed! so you’ve been able to recover? thank you again :)

@outdoorman also something i did the first week was totally try to control my blinks and it gave me the worst headache and made it super intense. did you do this lol

@Macyyy729 Oh yeah! Got headaches, would become panicky, sweaty, became paranoid that people were watching and judging me. All that good stuff! Yes, I am fully recovered! I come on this app to tell people you will be fully recovered just like me, as long as you do something that is very very difficult, and that is cut out compulsions. It doesn’t matter what thought you just had. It literally can be about anything, and that’s completely irrelevant. All your brain cares about is the compulsions. Your brain knows you labeled that thought as “bad” or “intrusive” and you don’t like anxiety.. so the remedy to this is- Welcome anxiety, let it visit and sit with you as long as it likes. Once you’ve done that, now continue doing what you actually value! 😊

@outdoorman did you get my response? it’s at the very bottom and won’t let me copy and paste! thank you so much!!! you’ve been so amazing and helpful will my brain eventually unlabel is as bad?

@Macyyy729 I did get your response, and responded back to you at the bottom. It seemed to have done the same thing to me lol.

@outdoorman Thank you. Your explanation makes sense

@outdoorman amazing advice i will follow. thank you man. may i ask how long you suffered with the blinking one? it’s only been about 13 days so i think i’ll be okay

@Macyyy729 You’re welcome! Enjoy the journey. I really can’t remember a certain time frame when I struggled with obsessions..If I had to guess, I would say around 2 months or so.

@outdoorman i will keep you updated forsure:) thank you so much for everything

@Macyyy729 Yes! Keep in touch 😊

@outdoorman will do! i do have one more question. well actually 2 if you don’t mind 1) did the eye blinking stuff make you self conscious about eye contact? if so i’m assuming it went away 2) we’re you flipping out when this all happened or just kind of like that’s weird cause i flipped tf out lmao LESSON LEARNED! i’m doing a lot better tho. just ashamed with the way i reacted

*combating

@aberndt i don’t think so! although the sensation is different, it doesn’t mean that the recovery process is. it doesn’t matter what the sensation is, what we’re trying to conquer are the fears and the compulsions. so you can apply this to any somatic ocd sensation

Nope! It’s not different at all. That falls under somatic OCD. Notice how you’re seeking reassurance about the swallowing? 😊 If you had the thought about “maybe I’ll notice my swallowing for the rest of my life?” Notice that was a thought. Maybe you started to get anxious? Then maybe you starting ruminating about how that’s not possible, or maybe you’re crazy and you’ll be sent to live in an insane asylum? Notice your brain is trying to solve that problem. But there really is no problem to solve. You can have the thought about maybe you’ll notice your swallowing for the rest of your life. You can have anxiety. Now just sit with that thought and anxiety. If you notice the swallowing or maybe it feels unusual to you- that’s perfectly fine. Tell yourself, I want to be the best at sitting with these thoughts and feelings and sensations and continue doing what I value!

@outdoorman thank you sooooo much for helping me through this. seriously you’re what helped me turn around this sh!tshow. sometimes all u need is a little hope! well i will keep in touch :) you’re amazing

@outdoorman ugh man these thoughts are so constant because i’m constantly blinking while being alive. i don’t even know sometimes how to show my brain this is not important when i have been the past 2 weeks. how did you get off this merry go round to begin with? i’m so mad bc this all started with a blinking ocd article and then i dove in and read a bunch about it. i’m just soooo mad at myself. i’ll be okay for a while then fall back in

@Macyyy729 I can almost guarantee you don’t like anxiety. So, what is your brain going to do to help you? It’s going to come up with thoughts you don’t like, so you perform a compulsion to feel better. The blinking is irrelevant. You can have any thought, and I mean any thought at all, and it doesn’t matter… until it makes you anxious. Then your brain is like “Wow, wait a minute you don’t like that!? Ok, well we must solve this problem so you feel better, because I’m your brain and my job is to keep you out of danger!” That’s why when I say, themes don’t matter… it’s because they don’t matter at all. You’ll see your brain will jump themes all the time, that’s because it’s just one big uncertainty barometer always looking out for you. To remedy this- Any thought will pop into your head, maybe it’s something to do about noticing your blinking or when to blink. Ok great! You had the thought. Now, maybe you start to get anxious, ok fine! Now, don’t perform a compulsion. A compulsion is anything you do to check on, control or cope with. Just remember the three C’s. So when you have the thought, it’s fine to have anxiety, because anxiety is a natural feeling just like any other feeling we experience! Mad, sad, aroused, happy.. they are feelings. Anxious and nervousness are feelings? You bet! Why do you avoid the anxiety and perform a compulsion? You don’t have to! That’s the beauty of it. Remember- OCD is something we do. We perform compulsions to avoid the anxiety, so in return we feel better short term, but now we know that it’s just short term. To live “free” and be who we are, we must have experiences and all feelings. We do this by doing the things we value and have what ever thought, feeling and sensations that arise. 😊

@outdoorman yeah this all makes perfect sense. i just don’t know how to go back to before this whole blinking experience. it’s like my whole perception changed by controlling my blinking and the derealization. totally scary. you know???? thank you for your detailed responses, they’re very helpful

@outdoorman like i’m not actually manually blinking but still thinking about blinking in general. it’s driving me insane bc i feel like i ruined my life and will be thinking about this forever and i just want normal lol but just gonna trust the process!

@outdoorman sorry if i didn’t explain that well but i’ll b like “oh yeah remember that time i couldn’t stop blinking” and it’ll remind me lmfao. today has been a good day tho. just avoiding all compulsions

@outdoorman Hi, I hope you can help me as I’ve read your whole posts. I’m suffering quite badly at the moment. I’ve had somatic OCD with my breathing and more so blinking for 3 years now. I had a grip on it for years with acceptance, and for the most part with all themes. I was also using 15mg Mirtazapine a night and that helped. In the last year or so I got really bad with finances, substance abuse and have gone through some really rough relationship breakdowns which all resulted in some sort of a “breakdown” last week. When I woke up, I just felt incredible anxiety, stress, no appetite and most importantly the years of work on my OCD had vanished. I was now aware of my blinking all day, and my breathing. I’ve tried to say things to my brain like “oh cool no bother, I’m aware of my blinking, I’ll just blink and go about my day” I’ve also accepted that it’ll be part of my life as I’ve done so for the past 3 years. But idk, I mean I’ve wrote a diary up of what I believe is scaring me and it feels like 2 things. 1 being that as I’m now aware of my blinking, will I have to do it manual my whole life, and 2 being just the awareness of it also continues to scare me unlike before. Reading your posts, not doing the compulsion and going about my day - how do I do that? You see when it pops in my head, for me I’ll just either blink or breath and then go about my activity. But it feels isn’t this still doing a compulsion? The other option I seem to find is just not blinking… but then that’ll just cause my eyes to dry out and when I do breath I’ll still be doing it manually. What can I do for this? Also what’s your thoughts on medication for this? I’ve never been properly diagnosed. Tomorrow I begin counseling and feel maybe meds is the way for me. Thanks

@Mustysafeer Hey, sorry for the late response, was doing yard work all day 😊 So to answer your question about if you don’t know if you’re actually doing compulsions or not- I wish I could reach out and hug each and every person in this thread! I was just like you and every one else. I had a hard time grasping the concept of what a compulsion was, and what acceptance really is. Remember the three Cs of compulsions. They are anything you do to cope with, control or check on. So when you speak of when the thought pops in your head and you blink or breath then you continue with your activity, that is the right way to do the exercise! Because your essentially just living your life and continue doing what you value. I would not recommend you to put your life on hold to hold your breathe, try not to blink until your eyes dry out etc. you may see people online telling you this is great ERP exercises… BUT I’ve been down this road and have listened to this tune until it got stale and old.. it has never recovered me. Why?…Because you’re putting that thought in charge of your life. You’re putting importance to that random thought. Your brain is coming up with different themes to get you to perform compulsions, because that’s all the brain cares about. It wants you to be clear of danger. Now, can you hold your breathe? Can you try not to blink? Of course you can. But let me ask you this…. Why? What is your why? Why do you have to be certain of these things? The answer is.. you don’t have to be certain! Nothing is for certain in this world. What helped me tremendously was understanding what acceptance really means. Acceptance is the act of doing NOTHING. When you go outside and look up at the clouds, how do you accept them? How do you accept the trees outside? Do you spend all your time and energy hating on the clouds? If you see a cloud shaped like a monkey, do you drop to the ground and do 10 pushups? Probably not. You just do your normal routine while the clouds are there, right? The same principles apply when you have those random thoughts in your head. When I learned these techniques, everything started changing for me. Meditating is a great practice to just sit. Sit and let any thought come to you, along with any emotion, but just continue sitting. Then when you’re in the real world, apply your meditation practice by being mindful. Be engaged with what you’re doing, while having any thought or sensation that arises. Your question about medication- I took medication for maybe a month? I really can’t remember. I consider medication a tool. It is not the fix all by any means. OCD is something we do, it’s not something a pill can fix. But, medication can be an aide in turning down that volume when you’re struggling with the compulsions! Therapy along with having a great mentor will help you above all. 😊

@outdoorman Thanks for the reply friend. I just want to ask, for the past 2 weeks it’s something I’ve thought about all day. Literally no time where I haven’t thought about it. My question comes in the form of this: if I’m waking up and thinking about this first thing, then all day, and then at night too when I can’t sleep. How exactly am I supposed to get over this? Like I’m doing things yeah. I’ll continue to watch whatever I was watching, play my console games etc but it’s still actively in my mind. How can I go about getting over this? And thanks for recommendation, I’m in a tight spot at the moment. Can’t afford private therapy, and the free therapy it’s a bit of a waiting game. I have however been enrolled on to it. That’s what’s making this all the harder though due to the fact I know I can’t really get a therapist who specializes in OCD.

@Mustysafeer Yeah, I completely understand what you’re saying. I went through this exact same thing. So,I’ll show you where the compulsion is: Ask yourself am I doing any of the 3 C’s? Am I trying to cope with my obsession? Am I checking on the obsession? Am I trying to control the obsession? When you say: “How can I go about getting over this?” Is that a compulsion? I would say yes. You’re trying to control a thought or sensation that occurred. I know the blinking and breathing “seem” different than any other intrusive thought that you have experienced in the past… but here’s something to remember. They are all the same! All thoughts are just thoughts. They mean nothing. Yes, I understand you blink and breath automatically, and you can control those automatic things.. but remember.. you still had that thought and noticed your breathing and blinking. Your brain really doesn’t care about the obsession at all, it only cares about the compulsions, that’s why themes jump around constantly. The breathing and blinking is the thing that sticks right now, and you keep putting importance towards it, so naturally your brain wants to perform a compulsion to feel better or to feel “normal” again. You don’t have to “get over this” there is no getting over it. There’s no battle to fight in. That’s not the principle of acceptance. You don’t step outside and do your best to “get over” the clouds in the sky. You simply continue living your life and doing what you value. What helped tremendously, was understanding that everything starts in the morning. Right when I wake up I would have thoughts running through my head, then I would want to perform compulsions. So, to remedy that, I would keep my goals very close and simple. I would hit my alarm clock, get out of bed, stretch, go brush my teeth, glass of water, some breakfast, get dressed and then head to work. I did all of this while any thought or sensation was present. I did not hate the thoughts or sensations. I did not love the thoughts or sensations. I simply did what I valued, while any thought or sensation was present… this practice shows your brain that those thoughts and sensations are completely natural, and you don’t have to stop your life to give attention to them. Compulsions seem to always begin in the morning and continue through the day into the night… so when you’re unable to sleep at night, ask yourself what you’re doing in the morning. You can’t perform compulsions all morning and afternoon, and then expect your brain to quiet down at night. You’ve been training your brain to do compulsions, so why would it want to stop at night? Yes, therapy can be super expensive! I know this all to well. My suggestion is to hook up with a mentor or a “mental health coach” such as someone who has struggled with OCD and has recovered. I don’t mind talking to anyone on this app 😊 One of my greatest mentors/coach is Mark Freeman. You can find him on YouTube where he has loads of content for free! Just type in Mark Freeman OCD and you’ll see a bunch of videos!

@outdoorman Hey sorry for the late reply! So I’ve been watching a lot of videos these past few days, just educating myself every day. Soaking it in. I need some advice from you if that’s ok. So my current mindset having watched a few videos is to fight the fear. The fear being “I’m scared to live like this my whole life” or “I wish I didn’t have to do this” I have now adopted the approach that whenever a thought comes into my mind after becoming aware of my breathing/blinking is to mentally just say “so what this won’t kill me, I can have this my whole life” and then go about my day. My question comes in the form of this: how does one define acceptance? Am I accepting this by what I said above? Because the thoughts still persist all day long. The other thing I wanted to ask, and I know I asked this but because I’m really confused, some have said online that blinking/breathing when you become aware means you’re still doing the compulsion? The thing is my current mindset is that yes when I become aware of my blinking/breathing, I’ll absolutely blink or breath, sometimes a few times. But I feel I’m doing this out of compulsion like my brain is asking and I’m giving in. But what other options do I have? Thanks for all your help by the way you definitely have given me motivation.

@Mustysafeer Sorry, I replied to your message, but forgot to tag you!

@pasco You got it! Thoughts and anxiety don’t have arms or hands, they can’t reach out and grab us. It’s things that WE do that causes us distress! On a side note- be patient and offer advice to your therapist. They are human just like us. They will not be right on everything, and that’s perfectly ok. My therapist didn’t know anything about somatic OCD. I really had to do my own research and find a good teacher. You’re on the right track 😊

@outdoorman hey just wanted to say you’re heaven sent! you’ve helped me and so many people get through a very tricky, confusing experience. i’ve been doing much better, although i do have some slip ups. i just remind myself i didn’t ruin all that i’ve accomplished. many it’s body memories if that makes sense i look back to when i was freaking out and remember how scary it was and it makes my heart jump lol but no less retraining my brain!!!! sorry i’m not the best words but you’ve helped me soooo much! i can’t thank u enough 💕

@outdoorman i have a question i know our brain like compulsions but if ive been doing good for a while now why would my brain try to throw these intrusive thoughts about somatic ocd (blinking) and try to bring me back in?

@Macyyy729 Your brain is like a small child/uncertainty barometer. It’s always on the look out for danger or things that you don’t like, because you’ve put all these judgments and labels on them for as long as you probably can remember. I know I certainly did! So if you use to spend your time always trying to avoid anxiety, cope with anxiety, trying to control anxiety or label your thoughts and certain feelings as “bad” naturally your brain as that small child is going to learn certain behaviors and continue to always be on the lookout for anxiety and thoughts you don’t like. Your brain isn’t stupid or different than any other brain. It just doesn’t know any better! Because more than likely that’s how you’ve reacted your whole life. So when you’re in recovery, it’s going to be completely normal for your brain to be throwing up thoughts that you have labeled as bad or make you anxious. Notice how I didn’t say “intrusive thoughts” lol because that right there is labeling your thoughts! Thoughts are just thoughts! You don’t have to label them.. again that is something WE do. Not our brain. Your brain will be SCREAMING at you to perform compulsions when you get anxious, because it knows you’ll feel better if you just do them. It’s a cycle… a cycle with practice that can be broken. I can say I’m fully recovered. Do I still get thoughts about somatic symptoms? 100% Do I label that as intrusive still? Not at all! “Hmm I remember those thoughts, those thoughts use to cause me distress.. oh well, back to cooking my dinner” 😊

@outdoorman this was so helpful!! for the most part ive been doing really good but my brain throws the thoughts that made me scared. my heart jumps and then i try to carry on but the fact that it makes my heart jump and beat fast it is harder to ignore. or my brain labels as “danger” “scary”. i suppose the more i show it’s not important the bodily sensations like my heart beating will eventually go away. thank you for always being there for me and have an amazing christmas!!!!! (: thank you always

@Macyyy729 Yeah! And when you say your “heart jumps and it’s hard to ignore” is completely normal. The more you accept and continue doing what you value, that does dissipate. Even showing yourself that anxiety doesn’t matter, is helpful! Have anxiety like any other feeling you have is key. When you have a “happy thought” you really don’t put a whole lot of meaning to it, right? You just get happy and move on. So practice not putting meaning to “bad thoughts” just get anxious and move on.. easier said then done, I know! But it takes practice! A great exercise I did was this- Take an apple and get some sticky notes. Place the apple in front of you and label it as a “bad” apple. Ok, now accept this “bad” apple. Just accept it. Keep accepting it. Are you accepting it? Ok now take that same apple and place a “good” sticky note on the apple. Now this is a “good” apple. Now accept that “good” apple. Accept it. Keep accepting it. You’ll notice nothing really happened. You stuck labels on the apple and did your best to accept them. In retrospect this is what you’re doing in your head. Your labeling meaningless thoughts and don’t really know how to accept them. Acceptance is the act of doing nothing. You don’t have to do anything to accept something. It’s JUST THERE and you can carry on with things you value and care about. The apple exercise shows you what you’re doing inside your head, and let you know that you don’t have to label every thought, and you don’t have to put your life on hold to accept them. You and everyone on this thread sound extremely smart and sounds like you are all making great progress! It took me a very very long time to grasp these concepts, so be proud and celebrate your success! Merry Christmas! 🎄

@outdoorman hey my response is like one comment below if you see it 😂 i tried to copy and paste but can’t for some reason! happy holidays thank you always

@outdoorman hey it’s me again! i had a question as to how you cope with “relapses”? i don’t think i’ve engaged in many compulsions but i fell for a thought and kind of got stuck in this sticky cycle. now i keep feeling ashamed and like ive ruined all my progress. did you ever deal with this in recovery? thanks 🙏

@Macyyy729 Yeah, many times I relapsed. Your natural feeling is to feel ashamed and disappointed, but take note that you have been making great progress, and you now know how you want to be spending your valuable time! It’s important for us to not even cope with relapsing. If you relapse, so what? It’s about living in the moment and focusing on what you value. You’re not a time traveler. Don’t live in the past or look ahead to the future. What matters most is living right now, and doing things that you value. You don’t have to get wrapped up in how you feel, or your bodily sensations or thoughts to continue doing what is important. 😊

@outdoorman so true that’s what i’m reminding myself. i’m just trying to be the best person i can be for my 3 year old and myself! i’m going to keep pushing through and persevering. your insight and responses mean a lot. it’s the only time i ever “look” up anything about ocd. your responses are. it’s not even the sensations it’s the thought of noticing or noticing forever. that’s how it’s easy to tell this is all thought driven. thank you!

@outdoorman is getting out of the fear cycle what ends this? like because you don’t fear it or any sensations at all/ feel indifferent is how it doesn’t creep back on you?

@Macyyy729 It’s not necessarily getting out of a fear cycle. It’s ok to fear something. That fear can even be irrational! I love to say us humans have 7 senses instead of 5. Taste, smell, hearing, seeing, touch… thoughts and feelings. A thought is real. It just happened, it’s a real thing that your brain just threw up. A feeling like anxiety is real. A feeling like happiness is real. You can have any thought or feeling, BUT still carry on with what is important to you or what you value! You don’t have to perform a compulsion to alter or change your thoughts! You don’t have to perform a compulsion to change or alter your feelings! If you fear something, go ahead and fear it. If you fear noticing your breath or blinking for the rest of your life, then fine, go ahead be terrified of that! It’s a natural response. You don’t have to perform a compulsion to alter your experiences! I also like to point out your not overcoming anything! I think this is where a lot of people get stuck. There is no battle. You’re not trying to overcome something like a thought or a natural feeling like anxiety. The only thing you’re cutting out are compulsions. Compulsions are something we do, therefore it’s something we shouldn’t be spending our valuable time doing. It’s not something we value, so we should focus on things we do value. Hope that clarifies it!

@outdoorman this makes perfect sense, i just scrolled up to re-read what you said about compulsions. you should be a therapist forreal you’re the best!

@Macyyy729 Thanks! Enjoy the journey 😊

@outdoorman hey outdoor man 👨 it’s me so soon coming to you for your wisdom. i understand all that you’ve said about it’s okay to be fearful but still go on about your day. what do you do when your brain keeps throwing it at you and it seems urgent. i keep going on about my day but the fact that it keeps popping up and acting like it’s urgent makes me anxious. if it matters at all it was a comment i read a couple months ago somewhere that this person counted all their blinks and breathes. is it normal to sometimes feel like you’re missing/avoiding stuff by continuing to not engage in compulsions and everything? well anyway i’m going to continue going with my day living in the moment!!! one day at a time

@Macyyy729 It’s perfectly normal for your brain to keep throwing thoughts and sensations at you that you have labeled as something you don’t like. Your brain really is in the process of being retrained. It hasn’t known any better, because you have probably been labeling, judging and performing compulsions your whole life and just haven’t noticed it until you developed an anxiety disorder. When you ask- “Is it normal to sometimes feel like you’re missing/avoiding stuff by continuing to not engage in compulsions and everything?” If I’m understanding the question correctly, this sounds like a compulsion to me. It sounds like a checking compulsion. Your checking to make sure your not avoiding or missing something. Hopefully I understood you correctly? When you talk to an OCD therapist, they will all say ERP is the gold standard, and they are correct. ERP has helped thousands recover from OCD. I found ERP to be great when it came to physical compulsions, like checking to see if the stove was off before I left the house, or taking a drive when I was anxious that I would run off the road and hurt someone etc. My compulsions were more mental. So I found classic CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and ACT (acceptance commitment therapy) to be more effective for me. ACT for instance comes into play when you do the post it note training, because you’re re-wiring your brain to do things that are important to you while having ANY thought or feeling. So, your accepting that thought or feeling, and then you’re committing towards your values. CBT falls a little in line with this too. Your brain may think there is danger doing a certain thing, like noticing your breathe for eternity. CBT helps you realize that thought can’t hurt you and there shouldn’t be danger alarms going off. Just wanted to throw some therapy practices your way!

@outdoorman you’re totally right, that was another compulsion i was subconsciously doing. gonna carry this with me in 2024 and just stay on the up and up! been using what you shared with me the past few days and i’m doing good. just remind myself i’m rewiring the brain. i’ll stay in touch. happy 2023!!!! hope you have a happy new year outdoor man(:

@Macyyy729 Keep concentrating on what you value and want to be doing with your time, rather than focusing on trying to overcome something, and you’ll see amazing results! Happy New Year to you! 😊

@outdoorman hey just wanted to check in. been doing pretty good letting my thoughts go by like a cloud. sometimes i get a somatic thought that makes me scared but i just remind myself all these thoughts are the exact same thing and it’s not the actual somatic thing happening that’s the problem, it’s my reaction. one kind of caught me today which was “controlling my blinking” from where i had already labeled it im pretty sure. i just try to keep doing what i was doing and disregard. you’ve helped me pull across the finish line srsly idk how i would of gotten through this without your mentorship lmfao

@Macyyy729 Hey! Sounds like you’re not letting random thoughts and emotions trouble you. Be proud of your success! Thanks for checking in 😊

@outdoorman thank you outdoorman. it just sucks to almost be out of it then fall for another wack thought and believe it to be true lmao/: i know i’m not supposed to be overcoming anything but still. i tell myself before no matter what don’t fall for any of it then i do. but oh well

@Macyyy729 Completely understand and completely normal! Your brain loves you and is only trying to protect you, so naturally it’s going to become anxious when you have been labeling and judging certain things, thoughts and sensations your whole life. Keep treating your brain like a small puppy or child and keep giving it compassion, while doing things you value!

@Macyyy729 I need help on blinking so bad😭😭 could u share any type to help i would be so grateful

@outdoorman You are so kind! Could you please share with me how to overcome monitoring, rumination and checking.. its always there and obsessively not leaving.. tv, driving cooking i dont know what to do.. please help me 😭😭😭😭

@Hassania you have to stop looking it up. once you realize it’s not a problem and only driven by thoughts you will realize it’s okay. i wish i could give you more advice :(

@Hassania Hey there! So, we can do an exercise if you’d like? How about you put all of your time, focus and energy on your blinking? If you’d like, you can go ahead do that right now. Focus on the blinking and how it feels, maybe you have the thought of- “Will I always notice my blinking for the rest of my life?” “Should I try not to blink?” “Should I blink rapidly?” Go ahead and have these thoughts. You can have thoughts. You don’t have to interfere with your thoughts. You also don’t have to react to your thoughts either! But, if you really want to focus on your blinking, you can do that. You have free will. So now, hopefully you’re having at least some anxiety? Maybe you’re having a crippling panic attack? That’s even better! I like to point out that you probably have a fear of anxiety, and you have labeled anxiety as a bad thing. That’s why you are “stuck” on this certain theme. Take note something very important that I say many times on this thread and to people I coach- The thoughts you have DO NOT matter. Those thoughts about blinking are completely irrelevant. You can have any thought and it can “trigger” a panic attack or anxiety and it will “stick” Why does this happen? Why does this bodily function of blinking cause me anxiety and I obsess over it? Because you have labeled anxiety a bad thing. What does your brain want to do? Keep you out of danger and make sure you’re happy at all times. Because you have also labeled happiness as something you should ALWAYS achieve. I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to achieve happiness. You don’t have to achieve anxiety. You just simply let it be there. I want you to have happiness. BUT I want you to also feel anxiety! I want you to feel mad. I want you to feel hopelessness. I want you to feel arousal. I want you to feel bored! All these are natural feelings. They are things that all humans experience. Thoughts are things humans experience. You don’t have to ruminate, avoid, check, control or try to cope with your thoughts or feelings. Why does your brain keep going back to the blinking? Because it has caused you anxiety. You don’t like anxiety. So naturally your brain is going to keep bringing it up until you don’t have anxiety anymore. The remedy is to have the anxiety. You have permission to focus, ruminate, control the blinking as much as you want. But is that something you want to do? Do you value those things? No of course not! So how about experiencing those thoughts, then having crippling anxiety, then moving on to something you care about and value. Another great exercise is sitting down and making a list of all the emotions that humans experience. Happy, sad, mad, aroused, anxiety etc. and go through each emotion. Experience every single one of them. If the blinking is the thing that triggers your anxiety, then go ahead and experience that. This is also a form of ERP. Let your brain know that it’s OK to have all these emotions. Once your done experiencing anxiety, I would then show your brain that you don’t have to sit around and dwell, ruminate or try to control your blinking. I would go do things that you value. This shows the brain that you don’t HAVE to keep focusing on that one thing while continuing to do things that are important to you. 😊

@outdoorman i know this wasn’t for me but you’re the goat 🐐 such solid advice. i suck at putting anything into words. so far i’ve been doing good, which doesn’t mean the thoughts don’t come every now and then but i just get back to what i’m doing. a few nights ago i kept yawning and then my brain was like “what if you yawn forever” and i kind of got nervous and react to the thought every now and then but it’s funny how desperate “ocd” and anxiety will get and what it will cling to🤣 srsly your mentorship has pushed me along. i’m going to start erp with a therapist but i was a little bit concerned bc you said it’s kind of useless or whatever for sensorimotor type things. should i even bother or does it make it worse?

@Macyyy729 You’re exactly correct! It is weird that our brains are grasping for anything to perform a compulsion! I completely get the yawning scenario. That brain is trying to cling on to something and make sure you don’t have anxiety. But guess what? We can have all the anxiety we want 😊 Receiving therapy from a qualified therapist is a great idea! I believe everyone should go to therapy, whether you don’t struggle with mental health at all. Mental health should be treated the same way as physical health and there should be no difference. What I was implying was- my current therapist doesn’t know much about sensorimotor OCD because it isn’t very well known among psychotherapists. There are a few, which is great! But it’s a little less unknown. Plus, my therapist doesn’t suffer from an anxiety disorder, so it’s a little hard to relate. But please don’t let that frighten you away from therapy. Everyone has different experiences! I like to coach individuals in building great mental fitness! So instead of concentrating on a mental diagnosis, I like to concentrate on building and creating great mental health instead. It’s like not knowing how to swim. If you don’t know how to swim, do people say you have a drowning disorder? Of course not! They simple say you don’t know how to swim, so if you don’t want to drown, then how about LEARNING how to swim? That’s why I’m not even a fan of telling someone they have a “disorder”… in layman’s terms and to therapists they do say you have a disorder… but I like to focus on building instead of labeling. So instead of avoiding the water, thinking about not drowning, or trying to cope with the water.. How about we learn how to swim and become a great swimmer! That’s exactly how you build great mental fitness. Instead of coping, checking or controlling your thoughts, feelings and sensations.. let’s experience these and become great at moving towards what we value!

@outdoorman you’re totally right (like always)! i think my brain is just going from thought to thought trying to find something to stick. i think therapy will help because she has dealt with sensorimotor before so i’ll let you know it goes. so with the yawning thing i’m not getting stuck on it all day but when the thought comes it usually takes about 15 minutes before i snap out of it. does that mean i’m performing compulsions if it’s lasting longer than “just a thought”? how would i display acceptance? like “that’s a weird thought but this isn’t a problem. i can yawn when i want” type of thing?

@outdoorman - from the bottom pf my heart thank you. thank you for you empathy and compassion for taking a minute of your day and helping me and anubody here. god bless you and protect forever you and your loved ones. The worst part for me is really driving and Tv. its there and i dont know what to do. i try to be in the present moment and concentrate lets with the movie and its just so distressing. its been 2 years and i feel i didnt have a relaxing day no anxiety since then. I dont know how to stop the rumination although i know we are in control. i try to accept the thougths and let them pass but resolution mode of what should i do at that point keeps popping! like step present momen, let the thought pass have no reaction etc.. :( thank you so much

@Macyyy729 Yes! You’re exactly correct! You had a thought about yawning non stop for the rest of your life. Ok that was a thought. Have what ever feeling that accompanies that (maybe it’s anxiety) now continue what you were doing or something you value 😊

@outdoorman Hi! I would be really interested in your coaching?

@Hassania Sure! I coach 3 people in person and I don’t mind coaching and giving advice on this forum. I don’t think there’s a way to directly message you without others seeing it? 🤔 But it makes no difference to me, because the things I tell you are free of charge and I just legitimately want to help others, so it doesn’t matter if others see what I say. If you want to achieve great mental fitness, I would start by purchasing post it notes. Get a lot of post it notes! You’ll need them. I can elaborate on that later, or you can scroll up somewhere on this thread where I discuss how to use the post it notes everyday. The post it note practice may look absolutely crazy (especially if you live with another person) but I find it necessary to show your brain “No matter what thought, feeling or sensation I have right now, I can continue doing what matters to me.” But I would like to express an exercise that I absolutely love. Quick disclaimer- I don’t know your medical history, so always consult with your physician before doing physical exercise or this next exercise I’m about to tell you. So If you are able to do this, I want you to take a shower. Not just an ordinary shower, but a relatively warm shower. Start out warm for 1 min. Then gradually start turning the dial cold, hold the temperature for 20 seconds. Then turn it colder and hold that for 20 seconds. Then TRY to turn it all the way cold! As cold as it gets and try to stay in for 10 seconds. After that, get out and stand there for 10 seconds without using your towel to dry off. After the 10 seconds, take your towel and dry off. Why on earth do this?…..Practice being uncomfortable. When you’re turning the dial on the shower colder and colder, you can even try to concentrate on soaping or shampooing yourself. Show your brain that you can do these things, like bathing and taking care of your body while being very uncomfortable! In a way this is a practice that simulates having large amounts of anxiety (being uncomfortable, while doing something you value) This also shows your brain that “I can be uncomfortable, and I also notice that this uncomfortable feeling and sensation doesn’t last forever!” Just like having a panic attack. Panic attacks don’t last forever. It might have felt like that cold shower would last forever and you wouldn’t recover… but you did. And you did something that was helpful for your body. It may feel like panic attacks and anxiety last forever, but they don’t. Experience that uncomfortableness. Have all kinds of experiences! 😊

@outdoorman Amazing! I will try it for sure!!! To get uncomfortable. I have somatic Ocd with my blinking and its especially the monitoring and its there all the time. The worst is watching tv and driving it’s exhausting and i am so tired i really hope you can share a too for this please 🙏🏼 i would truly love to get coached by you. I am unable to pay the 200$ Us its really too expensive for me and i have no insurance. This community is all i have to help 😭

@Hassania Sure thing! I’ll do my best to help out. Write the things you want to do on Post-it notes and place them strategically. You can place a Post-it note by your bedside to let you know what to do whenever you awake. You can place a Post-it note in your bathroom to let you know to brush your teeth, wash your face, take a shower, etc.. keep up with the post it notes. Try to do the shower practice if you’re able. Watching tv and driving should be treated no differently. Those are things you want to do, so do your best on concentrating on just doing that. If a thought about blinking arises, simply keep watching or driving, while having the anxiety.

@outdoorman - thank you so much for you message.. its been extremely hard.. its always there.. I dont know what to do!!:(((( i know its just a thought but i feel all the time

@Hassania I know it’s hard. I know it’s extremely uncomfortable. But it’s something you have to experience! If you go your whole life never doing physical exercise and avoid sweating… eventually EVERYTHING will make you sweat. Going up a flight of steps, walking down the driveway, getting out of bed etc. If you go your whole life and do whatever you can to avoid having anxiety, then EVERYTHING will give you anxiety. The blinking isn’t a problem. Noticing blinking isn’t a problem. You’ve labeled a perfectly natural emotion such as anxiety as a “bad” thing. Your brain is doing what you taught it and driving attention towards your blinking to perform a compulsion, because it knows you don’t like anxiety, so it has to keep bringing it up to make you feel better. Remember this important thing- The thought or theme does NOT matter. I don’t care if this is about blinking, breathing, hurting a loved one, fear of losing control, etc. IT IS ALL THE SAME. Your brain is just stuck on this certain theme, because it’s something you keep checking, controlling or coping with.

@outdoorman Got it!! Its exactly what is happening! I have been trying to feel it and experience it but obviously the sensation is extremely uncomfortable and naturally it creates a sense of anxiety although you want to experience and live with it.. that is the whole thing im going through.. I am like ok i dont even mind living my whole life like that and here I am going through a breakdown for about 2 years😭😭 how do you suggest me to experience it? How to label anxiety as a good thing.. from the bottom of my heart thank you so much for your kindness and time😭

@Hassania You experience and accept something just like how you experience and accept the clouds in the sky. Ask yourself how you accept the clouds in the sky? Did you do something to accept them? Of course not. They are just there. You continue to do the things you want to do and value while there are clouds in the sky. This is exactly how you treat thoughts, feelings and sensations. You don’t even have to label thoughts, feelings and sensations. You don’t have to label them “good or bad” that’s one of the reasons you are struggling! The whole point is not to label your thoughts, feelings and sensations. You simply let them be and continue doing what you value.

@outdoorman I will practice this this week thank you for your kindness and compassion ❤️‍🩹

@Macyyy729 Hey! I’m doing very well. Glad to hear you are doing good :) From your comment, it kind of sounds like you may be judging and labeling about “how you should feel” when you are made aware of your blinking. You may also still be concerned about having anxiety or panic? So let me ask you a question? When you are aware of your blinking, do you get anxious and then judge that anxiety? As in- “Oh there’s the anxiety I don’t like that!” Or do you- “Oh I’m anxious, ok.” The latter is where you want to set yourself! Remember anxiety is a natural feeling. If noticing your blinking makes you anxious, then fine! Don’t perform compulsions around anxiety. That’s the reason we get into an OCD cycle, because your brain knows you judge anxiety as something you don’t like, therefore it will constantly bring up something that triggers your anxiety for you to solve it. I can almost guarantee you don’t have a blinking problem! Because I have been through all these themes. You most likely have a “I don’t like anxiety, so we must keep checking, controlling and coping to make sure we don’t have anxiety ever again” issue. It may be the anxiety you are trying to control, check on or cope with. So, let’s stop doing that! Go ahead and have a nice blinking fest! Then have the best panic attack ever! Then one more important step is- after you’re done having that wonderful festival, go back to what you value! I can’t stress this enough, that showing your brain that it’s a little child, and Macyyy729 is the adult. “Ok brain, time to do things that we value and what’s important to us now that we know we can have anxiety, or any thought and sensation at any time, and still be able to be who we are and do what we value!” 😊

@outdoorman hey thanks a lot for this. you’re right i get stuck in the checking behaviors of “does this thought still bother me” and work myself up until i’m back to where i was. sometimes it all happens so fast that it’s hard to pin down what part is the compulsion. but clearly i’m doing compulsions since i’m back in the loop lol. i’m just going to keep on the straight and narrow and resort to this when i need to. thank you!

@Macyyy729 Enjoy the journey! 😊

@outdoorman thank you so much 🙌🏻 i’m grateful to have you in my corner outdoorman!

@Testaz Try not having a solution for your dilemma. Let’s not even call it a problem!saying there’s a problem and you’re trying to solve it, just makes your brain more aware of your blinking. What if I asked you to make a list of your values? What if you make that list and do things on that list? You can go ahead and tell yourself, you can stare, you can blink a million times! All that is perfectly fine! But let’s continue doing things we value. A great analogy is- Instead of worrying about drowning all the time, let’s learn how to swim. We can learn how to swim in the pool of anxiety and do the things we value.

@outdoorman I understand your point, we said that anxiety is only in the head. It would be more manageable for me if this doesn't cause me eye problems.

@Testaz What helps me is to say to me "Sadly, I can do nothing for my problem, I can't notice and I can't blink all the time (sometimes, it just dry my eye more than doing nothing)." So I get a relief of hours, sometimes days (wow it's like a little part of my old life) but it not stays too long before I relapse. It's like a prison. I know that this problem is all in my head. I liked the time when I didn't care a little about my eyes and I was ignorant (I didn't know even how many times we blink in a minute ; neither that OCD exists about this, I think I would have laughed of it before my panik attack). Thanks to me and Google... I'm now in this case.

@ceoken Hey! First off, thank you for your kind words. I only come on this App to make posts that help others and build great mental health, so it’s much appreciated when someone gives me kind words. Second, it sounds like you’re well on your way of great mental health, by practicing mental fitness! The things you have mentioned sound pretty accurate, so I’ll just add to it. The “so what” is a great tactic. I would also like to add- Once you have that “so what” mentality, I would then focus on developing your core values. You’re in the shower and you have a thought about your breath or swallowing. You get very anxious, maybe have a panic attack along with it. Awesome! You can have those feelings. But, now let’s go back to showering. You already had the feeling of panic, so you can’t go back and try to “fix” that feeling, right? You’re not a time traveler. There’s no need to live in the past. You can’t get rid of panic and anxiety, right? And why would you want to? They’re absolutely, positively, okay feelings to have! You don’t perform compulsions and hate on any of your other feelings like happiness, sadness or being aroused etc.. so there shouldn’t be any reason to want to perform compulsions or hate and judge your anxiety and panic. Let’s just have panic attacks, let’s be ok having panic! Let’s go back to the shower once we are full panic mode and having racing thoughts. Let’s start being mindful of the water hitting our body and face. If our focus goes back to our breathing and swallowing, then fine! Let’s not judge, but we’re not going to put bodily functions or our feelings in charge of us. Those things don’t define us, and they certainly aren’t things we value. Thoughts and sensations are simply things our brain and bodies just do. Let’s bring our awareness back to the shower and being thankful for the clean water hitting our bodies and making us clean. That’s what we’re thankful for and something we value. You’ll start to notice once you put values in the front of your life, that’s where the real changes start to happen. I talk about using post it notes on here frequently. Use them! They really do help, especially starting out. After a while, you won’t have to use them anymore. Being mindful in a world where many of us practice mindlessness and having values and practicing those values are the keys to great mental health. Let’s focus on building and creating, rather than focusing on thoughts and sensations 😊

@Jeanne Hey! First off, it looks like you have a NOCD therapist according to another post, and I would like to say congratulations on taking a step to improve your mental health! Just having the self awareness that you may be struggling with mental fitness is half the battle! Secondly, I’ve been through the wringer with “sleep OCD” (or at least that’s what I use to call it).. I use to reason with myself exactly how you do. “Maybe I’ll never sleep again?” “Maybe I’ll die from lack of sleep?” Etc.. One of the things that really helped me in my journey of recovery was understanding that labeling OCD themes are just another compulsion. I would scour the internet and try to find the secret code to crack my next OCD theme constantly. Harm OCD, Somatic OCD, Reasoning OCD, you name it, I had it or researched it. It wasn’t until I realized that no matter what “theme” I was experiencing at that time really doesn’t mean anything at all. They are all the SAME. Whenever I’m coaching someone on mental fitness, I always get hit with the line of- “I’m experiencing this theme and I want to get over it! What do I do!?” First thing I tell them is- We have to stop labeling your themes, because they’re all the same. I don’t care what theme you’re experiencing right now, it’s irrelevant. Your brain simply throws up a thought that you have labeled as something you don’t like, and now your brain takes care of you the best way it knows how, and that’s by performing a compulsion. You have probably been doing compulsions your whole life and just haven’t noticed it until your anxiety got out of control and began having distress. What we are going to focus on is creating a list of things you value, then performing those tasks, and the compulsions will naturally decline. If you notice anxiety and perform a compulsion, that’s fine. But we will continue to perform a task we value with that anxiety and fear intact. You’re training your brain to do things that actually matter to you while having any feeling, thought or sensation. You learn by your own actions, not by what’s going on in your head. So for example when you lie down at night and your brain start whipping up different scenarios on why you can’t sleep and you’ll never sleep again and you’re going to be exhausted tomorrow etc.. I recommend to keep lying in bed and REST. My emphasis is not to SLEEP but to REST. I want to rest my body. I want to rest my body for the next day so I can perform tasks that I value. If I don’t fall asleep, then fine! If I fall asleep while I’m lying in bed resting, then great! That’s just an added bonus! Your mind can be on fire and keep reasoning why you’ll never sleep again, and I don’t care. I just want to rest my body and I’ll get up when my alarm goes off, because that is what I value. Hope that helps! 😊

@Jeanne Hey! If you go to YouTube and type in Mark Freeman OCD, that will bring up many videos he’s posted. I feel like he’s really the only one I’ve found on the internet that explains how OCD works, and taking the necessary steps to achieve mental fitness!

@outdoorman Hello I read almost this whole thread and I really like what you have mentioned. I am suffering from Somatic ocd I focus on my breathing and making sure I'm taking deep satisfying breaths, it's even gotten do bad I'm sleep and dreaming about taking deep breaths. It's been horrible. Crippling. And I'm trying to find ways to fight it. So instead of sitting on my couch feeling hopeless, I should grt up and do the laundry. Go to the gym etc..any advice would be greatly appreciated.

@Anonymous Hey! Glad to hear that you like what I’ve posted so far! So first off I noticed you said, “And I’m trying to find ways to fight it.” I’d like to point out that you shouldn’t be fighting anything. I always say that part of recovery is about learning to step off the battlefield. There is no fighting anything. That’s actually what causes obsessive thinking. What you want to concentrate on is your values. Things that have meaning to you. Things that build, not destroy. You don’t have to stand guard and defend yourself anymore. Let’s be on the offense and take initiative on what we truly care about! Here’s an example- A thought pops into your head, “What am I having for dinner tonight?” Notice that is an uncertainty. You may not JUDGE it as a concerning uncertainty, but it’s most definitely an uncertainty. When that thought popped up, let’s say you were in the middle of a meeting at work. Don’t answer that uncertainty. You don’t have to. That thought can pop into your head a million times during that meeting, but you’re not going to answer that uncertainty. You’re going to give your attention to the meeting, because it involves your job and you value having a job to put that food on the table. Now, when that meeting is over, if you have free time, maybe you go on the internet and look up a healthy recipe to make tonight. Perfectly fine! You value a healthy meal to fuel your mind and body. Next, let’s say you’re in that same meeting and the thought of, “Am I taking deep satisfying breaths? I mean, am I really breathing correctly right now? Am I even breathing at all?” Notice that is an uncertainty. You might have JUDGED that thought as something very concerning. You notice that thought gave you anxiety, made you feel uneasy, maybe panicky. What do you do? You have options. You always have options. You could stop listening to the meeting and focus on your breath. You could jump out of your seat, rush to the bathroom and do breathing exercises until you calm down.. or you could simply sit in your seat at the meeting and listen to the meeting. The meeting is what you value, because you value your job. Could you go back later and revisit that thought you had about breathing? You absolutely could. But why? Is that thought building success in your life? Is that thought benefitting you In anyway? Do you value getting your breath’s satisfyingly deep? That answer is no, of course you don’t! So you don’t have to go back and revisit that thought like you did when you planned out the healthy meal! **P.S.** I kept capitalizing the word judge because that’s the first compulsion we perform. We judge our thoughts, which is not useful. All thoughts are just thoughts. It’s the way we judge and perceive them is what makes them powerful. You may not get anxious about what you’re having for dinner, but you get anxious if you don’t believe you’re breathing deeply. Notice how they’re both uncertainties, and one causes you distress. That’s because you’ve judged something like your breathing as an “intrusive thought” when really, it’s just a thought that gives you anxiety, and that’s perfectly ok! A thought can give you anxiety. What is NOT helpful is performing a compulsion such as checking, coping or controlling that thought. 😊 Hope this all makes sense!

@outdoorman Great advice! So I been trying to keep busy even when I don't want to. I do have an urge to take a deep breath but I'm trying to keep my mind off of that and do things of value. I have a pretty obsessive mind so this is going to take a while. You gave me hope!

@outdoorman I've been experiencing not being able to get a deep breath and now I feel it's stuck, I found myself constantly taking deep breaths. No matter what I do I can't seem to get that deep breath, it feels superficial. It freaks me out. My breathing is calm. My oxygen is 98%. I'm exhausted. Have you been through anything like this? Any advice on this would be great..Erp does not seem to be helping me.

@Anonymous Yep, I’ve been through this before! You may feel like you’re not getting a deep breath, because you’re doing all sorts of compulsions around how you feel about your breath. I like to ask people why? What is your why? Why do you want to take deep breaths? Why do you have to focus on your breathing? It’s a good exercise to practice. Is focusing on your breath something you value? If it isn’t, then I would recommend to cut out the compulsions that entail coping, checking or controlling your breathing. It seems to me you’re spending a great deal of time on checking your breathing such as checking your oxygen levels and judging how you feel in the moment of breathing. Perhaps you’re controlling how you breathe, such as taking deep breaths. These are all compulsions. I would recommend accepting that maybe you aren’t taking deep full breaths? Maybe there is something wrong with your breathing. Then once you accept those thoughts by not doing anything at all, then I would find something you would rather spend your time doing. 😊

I completely understand! Went through the same thing. Just remember that your brain doesn’t actually care about the swallowing at all. Your brain just cares about the compulsions. That’s why “themes” change and jump around all the time, right? Your brain noticed you didn’t like the thought about you swallowing or choosing when to swallow etc. you got anxious… your brain next, knows you don’t like anxiety. So now we have to solve this anxiety… we have to perform compulsions, because that’s what makes you feel better! Cutting out the compulsions is what breaks the cycle. You can tell yourself, “I can swallow 1000 times, or not swallow at all and see how long I last before my mouth and throat are dry etc.” those are perfectly fine thoughts to have. You can have those thoughts. You can have the anxiety. But- are doing those things something you value? Are those things you want to put focus and time and energy on? Probably not, right? You don’t value those things. So don’t get wrapped up performing the compulsions. Have those thoughts while doing something you value or doing before you had the thought and sensations. If you’re cooking, cook. If you’re eating, eat. If you’re watching a movie, watch the movie. 😊

Right, I completely understand! Another useful tip that helped me was saying-“Ok this isn’t the right time to swallow, but I’m going to swallow.” Then going ahead and swallowing. I would get anxious and then sit with the anxiety. No matter how uncomfortable I would get, I wouldn’t go back and perform a compulsion. So I wouldn’t check on the swallow, wouldn’t seek reassurance , wouldn’t ruminate etc. Now the 2nd step is continue doing what you were doing before you took time away to do that exercise. Because you probably were doing something before you got the thought, right? So simply go back to what you were doing, or do something you value WITH the anxiety. That shows the brain “Hey you can have any thought, but it doesn’t matter to me, because I’m going to keep doing what really matters to me.” It takes practice! Just like anything new does, so don’t be yourself up. Hopefully that makes sense to you. I’m here for more questions if you need!

@outdoorman You are wonderful!!!! I came here because my OCD has switched back to obsessing about my swallowing. I bounce through all different things that I obsess about, and a few years ago I obsessed about my swallowing but it went away for a few years, and randomly popped back up into my brain a few days ago. Most of my ocd is having intrusive thoughts and then obsessing about them, so having a psysical trait (the swallowing) has just felt terrible. I have been very depressed today because of it. But, you are literally so smart. I have read through this entire thread, and everything you have written is so insightful and makes me feel so much better. I will try all of the tips you wrote out, and I’m screenshot ting what you wrote so I can look back on it if I am struggling really bad. Literally, thank you so much. You are amazing and your words are literally a lifesaver. ❤️

@Ally Shaw Enjoy the journey! 😊 You know how hard it is to cut out compulsions? VERY hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s something I did my entire life! And of course I catch myself still performing compulsions from time to time. But now I know to give compassion to my brain and just say thanks for always protecting me, because that’s all it’s trying to do. And then I move on with what I was doing before I had that random thought or sensation. If you had a random thought about swallowing, when you were getting ready to bake your favorite cake- ok thanks brain. Now go bake that freaking cake! 😊

@outdoorman Hey man I read this thread too. I was killing it with ocd recovery on my own 2 months ago, it was ocd about my anxiety in general. I got covid after that and screwed everything up. I had bad health anxiety up until like 2 weeks ago, but for the past 3 weeks the swallowing thing has developed for me. I was trying to clear my throat one night and it stuck. It’s been on and off, 3 days here and 3 days there, but this week it’s been all week. I seek reassurance that’s my compulsion so I’ve been trying to fight for that and cut my screen time in this anxiety discord I’m in. But it’s scaring me the swallowing thing is staying more now and it’s been like all day every day this week. I’m just trying not to engage with it worry wise and not seek that reassurance. I signed up for NOCD cause it’s been bothering me that much. But is the key basically keep living and don’t engage with it while no compulsions? Idk if you’ll see this. I usually kill it with no compulsions but then I cave at night time for an hour or so

@outdoorman I recently came over medication it was a long proud journey but now I’m afraid it’s making this all harder too, im afraid I’m gonna wind up in bad shape and need it again, or become suicidal or go to a mental hospital or something from the fact the awareness never leaves and I’m tortured

@Anonymous I understand what you’re going through. OCD was something I never thought I would recover from. I really thought I would just end up alone, or a mental hospital, or doing something that would send me to prison etc. I would spend all day doing compulsions, so I would feel better (or try to feel better) It wasn’t until one day, I was breaking down to my therapist. Just telling him “I really don’t know if I can go on” And he said- “Did you ever consider how much time and energy you’re spending on your obsessions and doing compulsions? You are missing so many things that you truly do value in life.” He was right. I would just be on auto pilot. My loved ones would talk to me, and I had no clue what they had just said. I would go to birthday parties, holidays, out to dinner, ball games, vacations… and I would just spend my time doing compulsions and worrying about what would happen to me or what people would think of me. My epiphany was telling myself, “fine, I’m going to have any thought, sensation or feeling and do what I value. I want to do the things I want to do while having the weirdest, anxious, craziest thoughts and sensations. I want to be good at these things. I want these sensations to go with me everywhere! There’s no more fighting.” A lot changed after that. It’s literally like stepping off of a battlefield. I’m tired of fighting, so now I’m going to live my life. I hated anxiety, now it’s a friend. I hated death, now it sits beside me and I can be comfortable with it. You are exactly correct about the key is living and don’t engage with it while not doing compulsions. It sounds super easy, but it’s not. It’s hard. Compulsions were something I did my whole life. Feeling comfortable was something I strived for my whole life. It takes time, and that’s ok. You’re not striving to feel better. You’re not striving to feel calm. You’re not striving to never feel anxiety. You’re not striving to feel comfortable. If those are your goals, then your brain will constantly keep coming up with more “themes” to get you to perform compulsions. Congrats on getting off medication. I really don’t care if someone is on medication or not. I consider it a tool. Just like when you’re training for a marathon. You can buy a great pair of running shoes, that are going to be a tool for running that marathon, but those shoes aren’t going to train your cardiovascular system or build muscles to make you a better runner. But those shoes might protect your feet in that journey 😊

@outdoorman I’m just scared right now with this swallowing thing I feel like I’m in real trouble and I’m trying so hard to limit the compulsions. But you swallow all day so it’s driving me nuts, I can’t not think about it. I know I just can’t add on to it but in my head I’m saying it doesn’t matter cause I’m going to be hyperaware for a while now. And I just want to know one day I can be free from anxiety in general. I came across acceptance 2 years ago and I’ve been trying to master it since.

@outdoorman And yes I’m missing out on life right now too a lot this swallowing thing is just really bothering me I don’t feel like I can take it much longer. I’m trying so hard to not give into it but I feel like at this point my brain is already stuck so it’s not going away anytime soon after it was coming and going

@Anonymous So let me ask you- What’s the fear?

@outdoorman That this will never go away, and now even more so, cause it was going away for a few days and this week it’s been all week. If I could just get past this symptom I’m confident I can recover because I know I just have to sit through the fire until it passes but this I can’t make it a full day

@Anonymous Notice what you’re doing there is a compulsion. You’re hating on the sensation of swallowing. You hate noticing it all the time. That’s the compulsion. The more you hate on it, the more your brain is going to throw it up. It actually has nothing to do with the swallowing at all. That’s something very important to grasp right now. The swallowing doesn’t matter one bit. It’s you not liking something, so your brain is doing the best thing it knows what to do, and that’s to find a way to make you feel better. Your brain only cares about the compulsions. Themes don’t matter what so ever. That’s why thoughts don’t mean anything. Only actions are what defines you.

@outdoorman And I’m hating on it by seeking reassurance about it? How do I change this?

@Anonymous Accept the things in your head and continue doing what you value. Compulsions are something I don’t consider bad or wrong. I consider them things I prefer not to do. I don’t value doing compulsions all day and night. I do value spending time with loved ones, taking my dog for a walk, eating healthy to nourish my body, exercising to give my body energy, reading, writing, working, traveling and getting enough sleep. I’ve looked at OCD as an addiction. We are addicted to always having certainty. Just like a person who is addicted to drugs or alcohol. That person feels the need to consume drugs or alcohol for various reasons in their head. Maybe they don’t like how they look? Maybe they were abused growing up? Maybe they want to always feel good, so drugs and alcohol make them feel that way, as in they get a high from it? OCD is like an addiction, because we have to feel certain about something. “I have to feel certain that I will not focus on my swallowing for the rest of my life” so naturally your brain will always want to focus on your swallowing to make sure you feel certain about it. The way to recovery is- accepting whatever thought you have, cutting out any compulsions around them, and then doing what you value.

@outdoorman I literally can accept the awareness and discomfort just about all day and then I crack by night time and seek that relief.

@outdoorman I’ve been really sitting with the discomfort the last few days, im still super aware. But I’m living my life that’s not a problem for me. It feels as though the hyperawareness jumped from swallowing to saliva, not that that matters. Any reassurance I’ve undertook has been reduced and minimal. I started NOCD yesterday but I’ve been workin on my own ERP. My fear is just this seperate issue is also gonna take a really long time. But this basically comes down to sitting with the discomfort and awarensss until you can’t take it anymore and then keep doing it

@Anonymous Sounds like you are making good progress! A therapist can do wonders as a tool to help in your journey. My suggestion, is to keep focusing on the “now” and live in this moment and be mindful. Meditating is a great way to practice!

@outdoorman Just responded to you elsewhere lol sorry

@outdoorman I just had an ah ha moment. I shave been following your posts and things are starting to make sense. I think what you are saying is by hating swallowing or any behavior I am giving it importance Thinking on how much I dislike it and want it to stop is a compulsion. That must be true because I can spend my entire time thinking on it. Right?

What I’ve found extremely helpful is realizing the theme doesn’t matter. The thought doesn’t matter. Your brain ONLY cares about the compulsion. So it’s going to throw up whatever it can to get aberndt to react. Period. There’s no dissecting it any further. That’s all your brain wants. Your brain is trying to protect you, so it’s going to do the thing it’s known it’s whole life, and that’s come up with thoughts or sensations you don’t like to perform a compulsion to make you feel better. You can have a thought that you’re the queen of England and you’re building a space rocket to the moon, who keeps thinking “should I swallow?” “Do I need to swallow?” “Do my thoughts control what I do?”…. it’s all the same. I’ve found that anything that goes on in my head is none of my business. So applying ACT when I catch myself doing compulsions in my head, has been very helpful. By accepting whatever goes on in my head and continue doing what I was doing before or what I value. I like ERP for more physical compulsions. Like checking the stove 100 times a day before you leave for work etc. compulsions in your head seem to be a little more trickier, so I’ve found ACT to be more beneficial. I’ve found that ERP is great for cutting out the compulsions, but when the thought comes into your head, I prefer ACT because you shouldn’t put all your time and energy towards random thoughts. You should be putting more time and energy in to things that you value. If that makes sense.

@outdoorman Can you explain what ACT is? Also thank you so much. You are literally so helpful for me. I read this thread daily while I am going through my obsession of swallowing and it helps me so much. You are amazing. ❤️

@Ally Shaw ACT is acceptance commitment therapy. Where you accept whatever thought, feeling, or sensation you have, while committing to what you value. Therapists and psychiatrists will say ERP is the gold standard for treating OCD and they are right. But to me, I really don’t see that ACT and ERP are that much different. They both are like accepting, right? Then both are response prevention. Like I mentioned earlier- ERP was great for my physical compulsions. Like when backing out of my drive way I always thought I hit someone walking, so my compulsions were to drive around the block and make sure I didn’t hit anyone, and check the news to make sure there wasn’t a massive man hunt out looking for me. When I was doing mental compulsions, I found ACT was very helpful. For example- having a thought about when to swallow. When I would say “ok I’m going to do ERP for this” and swallow when I don’t want to, that usually sent a signal to my brain that- “oh something’s wrong here” my brain kind of sounded the alarms and was like “ok he doesn’t like when we think about this stuff, so I’m going to keep throwing it up more and more so he can solve this problem” then I would just put so much time and energy focusing on trying to do my ERP exercises because I wanted to “defeat” this evil thought. If you keep giving your brain that idea of “oh something’s not right here.” Then it’s going to keep throwing that thought up so you perform compulsions to feel better again. Hopefully that makes sense!

@outdoorman Most of my compulsions are in my head and it’s very difficult to deal with. Act is the key. Act on the task at hand. Act on doing something I enjoy. Act on plans with a friend.

@outdoorman I don’t know if anyone has said this to you friend but thanks for all your help. I feel this is really hard issue and there’s barely anyone to speak to about it, but you have quite literally been able to give me important advice that I’m implementing everyday. One thing I want to ask though, it’s not I think of breathing and blinking, no rather it’s just simply as is normal, when the thought of blinking/breathing comes in I accept it but I still will also do the blink/breath. From there I will try to go on about my day. My confusion is, is this still accepting it? I know I’m being confusing, so sorry!

@Mustysafeer No problem! I’m on this App to give advice and guide others! Yes, whenever you have a thought or sensation and continue doing what you value and what you want to do in life, that’s acceptance! You’re not really doing anything, but the things you value. Acceptance is the act of doing nothing!

@outdoorman - thank you so so much for your support! Bless u! i wish i can ask you how to stop ruminating and stop mental compulsions.. my issue is blinkink and i get the whole point about Ruminating ( mental compulsions) is key.. Attention Rumination Trying to figure out what the thought means To believe it How to make it go away mental engagement with the problem shifting into problem-solving mode Analyzing Mental reviewing Mental checking, Visualizing Monitoring Directing attention toward the problem But how do we really stop doing them.. especially to direct our attention to the blinking in my case.. I wish you can help me:(

thank you so so much for your support! Bless u! i wish i can ask you how to stop ruminating and stop these mental compulsions.. my issue is blinkink and i get the whole point about Ruminating ( mental compulsions) is key.. and i really want to stop.. but im obsessed and these thoughts cant leave mind.. its just my brain that keeps trying to solve and apply this or this tool i learned.. etc :( My compulsions.. Attention Rumination Trying to figure out what the thought means To believe it try to apply tools How to make it go away mental engagement with the problem shifting into problem-solving mode Analyzing Mental reviewing Mental checking, Visualizing Monitoring Directing attention toward the problem But how do we really stop doing them.. especially to direct our attention to the blinking in my case.. I wish you can help me:(

@Hassania So an exercise I found extremely helpful in my journey, that I continue to do everyday is practicing meditation and mindfulness. A great exercise is to go to a quiet room, sit down cross legged, close your eyes and think of nothing! Thoughts will come to your head and that’s perfectly fine! Thoughts will always pop into your head, but do your best to just sit and simply “be” if a thought comes up about your eyes, then great. If a thought pops up about your breathing, then great. That thought was there, but now it’s time to go back to just sitting! Another exercise I like to do is sit my phone down relatively close to me and NOT check it. No matter what urge I get, I’m not checking my phone for a determined amount of time. You can set a timer if you like! Just focus on what you’re doing without checking your phone. This shows the brain that you can do anything you value, or anything simple like cooking, doing the dishes, watching a movie, work, etc. and have an urge or a certain feeling come up, but you’re still doing what is more important to you! I think a lot of people like myself struggle with urges. We have a thought in our brain, and we say “Oh, I have to check on that thought. Or I have to control that thought. Or I have to cope with it somehow, so I better start ruminating and coming up with all kinds of scenarios and fake conversations in my head! You can start slow, by trying out the phone method. And working your way up to more difficult tasks. A little more difficult tasks is keeping your phone out of the bathroom. How many people do you know that take their phone with them to the bathroom to do their business? Guilty! Try leaving your phone somewhere else and just go to the bathroom and do what you’re intended to do! 😊

@outdoorman Hey man. Been a few weeks since we last spoke. My sensorimotor has morphed big time and I’m really struggling. I have booked into therapy with NOCD but still days away. I’m losing sleep massively. So I began watching Dr Greenberg’s detailed video of ERP on this topic. And during the day having implemented his ERP I’m fine. Totally fine, I can do things, I can eat, and just be happy. Then it comes to night. This is where I’m terrified. So I have a fear if you will of noticing every single breath whilst trying to sleep you know because we have to breath to sleep right. So it becomes a torturous night of just trying to sleep, noticing my breaths, doing them manually. And also trying to think of something in my mind to distract, anything so I don’t have to focus to just go sleep. Greenberg’s model is simple. Allow it to be in your awareness but not give it attention. As well as cut out rumination. But see the issue I’m having at night time is I can’t not bring attention to something I HAVE to do (breath at night to sleep). I’m really stuck here. What can I do? Please any advice would be great.

@Mustysafeer Hey! Apologies for the late response. Sorry to hear about your sleep dilemma. Can we take a step back and not even consider this a dilemma though? I’ll explain.. I have gone through this also. With complete honesty, I still get the thought of “What if I stop breathing tonight, or what if my heart stops beating when I’m lying here trying to fall asleep” or “I can’t stop concentrating on my breath, will I ever stop!?” So naturally my attention goes towards my heart beat or breathing. So Doc Greenberg is correct when he says to allow it to be in your awareness, but don’t give attention to it. I’ll try to put it in layman’s terms for you… You can sit or lay and follow your breath when getting ready to go to bed… this is perfectly acceptable. You can do this. But, is this something you want to do? Something you value? Or do you want to go to sleep to get adequate rest and have energy the next day? The latter, right? So what I would suggest is- Don’t worry about the ERP work here. How about trying to accept how you feel (which is maybe anxiety) when you’re lying there. And how about continuing to lie there with the anxiety and tell yourself- “Fine, I don’t care if I follow my breath for the rest of my life, I value sleep, so I will just lie here in rest. I do not care if I ever sleep again! I’m going to accept my anxiety, because it’s my natural feeling and continue to lie here and rest.” Go ahead and have the worst panic attack you have ever had. That is fine! Keep lying there and resting your body. Why do this? Because as I always state- We don’t like anxiety. Our brain knows this. Your brain will constantly keep coming up with things to find out what “bothers” you because it wants to keep you safe. That’s why the thought never matters. You can have any thought… and I mean any thought. I promise you- they are all the same! Your brain only cares about performing compulsions to keep you out of danger. The remedy is to let your brain know that I CAN have anxiety and still continue what I value. I can feel like I’m going to die and still continue doing things I care about. Anxiety is a natural feeling just like any other. For decades I thought that having anxiety would kill or cripple me. But, after decades I’m still here. Now I’m living my best life, and it’s solely because I accepted the feeling. I don’t value doing compulsions anymore. Hope this helps! 😊

@outdoorman hey just wanted to check in and say your advice to me was amazing. got out of the blinking stuff for a little while now and on luvox! i have some thoughts that still bother me tho. mainly religious ones lol but gonna get through it. hope you’re doing amazing!!!!

@outdoorman did you ever go through depersonalization

@Macyyy729 Glad to hear you’re doing well! I have been through depersonalization. Any OCD theme you can think of or read about- I’ve had. I’m well versed in all the themes and no longer troubled by what goes on in my head. I like to say- “What ever is going on in my head, is none of my business.” 😊

@Macyyy729 How did you manage to get out of it.. did the meds help with it?

@Macyyy729 Hi Macy can I have some advice on how you got through this.. I’m going through the exact same thing

@outdoorman Hi I’m dealing with the same thing Macy was dealing with but it’s been a while now.. any advice?

@outdoorman what @macyyy729 asked about, i experience a lot of depersonalization/derealization/dissociation ocd and it is literally terrifying. it is by far the worst ocd theme i have had because it is so scary. i saw that you said you have been through it before. i was wondering if there were any coping skills that helped you with it? i would literally rather have any ocd subtype besides this one it is the worst to me.

@Ally Shaw @Khensani Hey guys! Depersonalization can seem like a scary theme. I struggled with this theme for a couple of months, simply because I was performing many compulsions around it, such as checking too see if I was real, like stopping mid sentence to touch my hand or face to see if I “really existed” or check to see if an object was real. I would check on my breath to “make sure” I was actually breathing, and then ask- “wait, am I actually breathing? Am I alive?” I’m sure this matches up to what you all are thinking, and maybe some of the same compulsions, right? I will tell you something you may not believe, but is 100% true, without a doubt. EVERYONE has thoughts like this. EVERYONE has doubts. You know that manly man bodybuilder at the gym who looks like he could destroy you with his pinky? Yep, he has thoughts like that. Do you know that very successful woman running that very large company has thoughts like that too!? Yep, it’s true. Everyone has thoughts. So why do we get stuck with these depersonalization thoughts?? Why aren’t they suffering from these thoughts??? Very simple… they are not performing compulsions. Compulsions are why we get stuck in this cycle. We are looking for ways to “make sure we are real!!” We are doing things that involve- Checking, controlling and coping. You are not different than a “normal” person. That “normal” person does not have any special abilities or gifts. God doesn’t hate you and love that other person more. You do not have a chemical imbalance…. You have simply associated yourself with meaningless thoughts. Thoughts that mean absolutely nothing. This is called cognitive fusion.. and we need to practice cognitive diffusion. Learning that you are not your thoughts, and that your thoughts do not dictate your actions is what really helps in the recovery process. @Ally Shaw- when you ask “are there any coping skills that helped you with it?” No. Nope. Nothing. Do not cope. Let your mind have thoughts…. Now, let me be clear. You can have thoughts, and you will most definitely have thoughts, because they will always come… but you have the option of THINKING. Which leads to ruminating, which is basically you looking for a way to check, control or cope with your thoughts. That’s why ruminating is so difficult to cut out, because it’s probably something you’ve been doing your whole life.. I know I definitely was! Quick story- My buddy has his own business that includes a warehouse with enormous shelves with large products. He uses a forklift to move product around periodically. A couple of weeks ago, we were chatting over some drinks and he expressed to me something that someone experiences all the time, but they don’t simply talk about it.. “Hey, outdoorman I don’t know what’s wrong with me, it might be the winter blues that’s starting to set in, but I had a scary thought the other day. I was driving the forklift and my wife was stocking a shelf with product, and I had an “intrusive thought” about taking my forklift and slamming it into the shelf and the shelf fell on her and killed her! I can’t believe I would have a thought about that!?!? I think I’m losing it! It really scared me.” So I asked him- What he did after the thought? “Oh, it was scary, I got a little anxious, but I just continued on with the day putting some product on the shelves.” End of story. My friend doesn’t suffer from OCD. He didn’t perform a compulsion. He had a thought of killing his wife.. had anxiety and continued on with his work day. That was weeks ago… he’s still here. His wife is still alive. Amazing isn’t it 😊 Now he can have a thought of- “Maybe this is all a simulation and I don’t exist?” Sure he can have that thought, but is he going to perform compulsions like checking, controlling and coping around that thought to “make sure” nope. He doesn’t value doing compulsions, he rather do things important to him. Summary- maybe you’re not real? Maybe you are in a simulation? Let those thoughts be there and continue doing what you value. Your anxious? Great. Your not? Great. Get comfortable with anxiety. Let it visit you wherever or whenever 😊

@outdoorman you are literally the best. truly, thank you so much. you have helped me out with the swallowing, and now my depersonalization. i don’t know what your occupation is, but you would be an incredible therapist or motivational speaker. i really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to message me back with extremely helpful advice. you really are helping me save my life. sending you love, truly just thank you so much. ❤️

@outdoorman I’m also dealing with blink ocd where I’m not manually blinking but obsessing about obsessing, I got triggered by a post where someone said they were manually blinking for 2 years , I’m scared because I keep seeing people who suffered with it for years saying therapy didn’t help.. what do you think I should do because I have hope I can overcome this but I’m just demotivated from other people

@Ally Shaw Thank you! I love helping people with mental health, because it shouldn’t be any different than physical health, yet so many people stigmatize it. I attend mental health seminars and events, while studying psychology relentlessly, so one day I can become a therapist! Much love! 😊

@Khensani Yeah, I completely get that! So, what I find helpful is not trying to overcome something. There is no battle. It’s ok for you to step off the battle field. I know that you’re strong and you know that you’re strong too, but I don’t want you to battle your thoughts and you shouldn’t want to either. A lot of this is you just judging your thoughts too. A lot of anxiety disorders actually stem from judgement. For example- When I tell you not to perform a compulsion, I don’t want you to think that performing a compulsion is a bad thing. It’s not a bad thing. I’m simply telling you that performing a compulsion isn’t something you value with your time. There’s no need to put forth effort and feed into meaningless thoughts. Someone with an anxiety disorder, may also be caught up in judging every single thought that comes to their mind. Judging is actually something WE DO.. just like when we perform a compulsion, that’s something WE DO. So when you have a thought about obsessing over your blinking, you may feel a certain way, like anxiety.. and that is perfectly fine! Something you should try not to do, is being like- “Ugh that thought again!? I hate that thought! Why can’t I just live a normal life!?” See what you’re doing there? You just took time to judge the thought as something bad, now your brain is naturally going to find a way to make you feel better, like applying a compulsion. A great exercise is practicing nonjudgmental skills. Am I saying to like and love all your thoughts? No, absolutely not! BUT you don’t have to be so quick to judge them either! You can be curious about thoughts, just like you can be curious about anxiety. “Maybe I’ll notice and blink automatically for the rest of my life and never overcome this?” You can sit with that thought without responding or even judging it! It can pop into your head at anytime. This is actually classic CBT where any therapist would start their treatment. Judgement is usually the first compulsion we encounter. A great practice is maybe you lean on one side of politics.. so how about turning the channel or reading an article that reflects the other side of the political spectrum, maybe a side you don’t agree with, but try watching and reading without judgement. Let it simply be there without reacting or labeling it as something good or bad.

@outdoorman Thank you so much for this and I have another question.. so do you think the longer I’ve been thinking about the blinking the harder it would be to get out of or it doesn’t matter?

@Khensani Doesn’t matter at all. I struggled with OCD for over a decade, with any theme you can imagine. I finally one day said- “Hey, I’m done wasting time and energy on things that I do not value. There will be a day that I die and I don’t know when that time will come, but it’s time for me to start living my life in the moment and focus on what is actually important, instead of feeding into my random thoughts, feelings and sensations.” I would have themes I thought I would never ever get rid of and each new theme was always the “one theme” that was worst then the other. I would actually ruminate and beg that the old theme I had a couple weeks ago would come back and replace this new theme I was dealing with! I would avoid going certain places, avoid flying, avoid restaurants, parties, events. I would avoid going to work because I didn’t want to face a certain dilemma. I would have thoughts of hurting my loved ones. I had a fear of backing out of my driveway and hitting someone and not knowing it, so I would back into my driveway to make sure I didn’t back into anyone when leaving for work and there would be a massive man hunt after me. I would wash my hands obsessively because of germs. I had to look a certain way so I would spend hours of my time in the gym. I would think I’m not real and this is all a simulation, so I would constantly be touching my face or pinching myself or checking my ID to see if I was real. I would judge my house, clothes, car and judge others who didn’t have what I had. I would notice my heartbeat and think it was beating too hard or fast, so I got a blood pressure monitor and a wrist watch so I could monitor my heart around the clock. I would notice my swallowing and think about what if I swallowed when there was food in my mouth and choked every single time. I would notice my blinking and breathing and think I “Now that I notice this, will I ever not stop noticing it? Should I try holding my breath? Try not to blink? Will this all drive me crazy!?” Notice how much time and energy and exhausting this was all for me… I was done. I stepped off the battlefield. I’m done fighting. Time to live my life. I started small with post it notes. Literally post it notes by my bedside that read “Get out of bed and stretch when you wake” More post it notes in the bathroom that read “Brush teeth, deodorant, wash face, comb hair, then out to kitchen.” More post it notes in kitchen- “2 glasses of water, make breakfast, take dog out.” This may sound crazy to do, but what sounds crazier? Going back to my old lifestyle or this new style. I made the post it notes to remind myself- That I can have any thought, feeling or sensation and still do things that I value. I can watch a movie and be happy, sad, anxious, heartwarmed or mad. I can do anything and feel a certain way. It was like starting a new life and being reborn. Did it take time? You bet. Compulsions were something I did my entire life! My poor brain didn’t know any different. It was just a scared child who wanted to make sure I always felt happy and wasn’t in harms way. But, now I know I can give my brain compassion and tell it that it’s ok to feel anxiety and it’s ok to fail. Let’s keep doing things that are important to us. 😊

@outdoorman I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this but you are such a blessing.. taking your precious time to help me.. I’m very grateful.. I do have a few more questions though.. do you think the more I ask about these blinking thing the more it becomes reassurance which is a compulsion and I’ve been researching about blinking ocd day in day out on multiple social media, would that hinder my progress as well?

@Khensani You’re very welcome! To answer your question- Yes! I’m so glad you see and realize that what you’re doing is a compulsion. That is honestly half the battle, so you’re on the right track. If you’re doing anything that involves continuous question asking or researching on an obsession, then it is considered a compulsion. Asking a question or researching is perfectly normal, but where it turns into a compulsion is when you have your answer but continue to seek, because it just “never feels right” The uncertainty can be there and you don’t have to react to it.

@Khensani hey sorry i’m late!! what has helped me is do not ruminate on it. this is all driven by fear and obsession. you can notice it without ruminating on it. it’s a thin line and hard sometimes but it becomes easy. when it feels important just remind yourself “i don’t have to think about it because it’s not important and my body will do it for me”. like @outdoorman said sticky note reminders is something that helped me too!! staying busy. it’s really hard, sometimes i slip up but it’s never more than a few minutes usually. I’m sorry i’m not that good at putting this into words. stay strong you will come out of this on top!

@Macyyy729 Hey! Yes, anytime you engage with ANY thought in your head is actually a compulsion. It’s considered rumination. Even when you say “intrusive” thought, take notice that you just performed a compulsion by judging and labeling that random thought that popped into your head! Separating yourself from your thoughts is very beneficial in recovery. Your brain will always have thoughts. It’s just something your brain will always do. You have the choice of engaging with those thoughts.

@Testaz Hello! After reading all of this, it does sound like you’re caught up in checking compulsions. Checking to see if you’re staring a lot, checking to see if you’re blinking automatically, etc. What I noticed over the years, is when I was caught up in a lot of checking compulsions, I was judging an awful alot. I was so worried what other people thought of me. Eventually I started judging other people too. Ask yourself why do I judge myself so harshly? You mention your eyes getting red and dry. I would ask you, so what? Is it uncomfortable? Maybe you could use some eye drops? And I’m not talking about using the eyedrops in a compulsive way! Just if you absolutely need them!  I struggled through something similar- I really focused on my blinking constantly to where I would blink so much My eyes would actually feel like they’re very dry. To remedy this- I simply said, “Ok my eyes can be really dry and if I need to use eye drops every once in a while, then fine. BUT how about I draw my attention and time towards something I value and what is important to me. Because focusing on my blinking/staring isn’t something I value. So a good mental exerciswould be, how about when you cook dinner later or go for a drive somewhere, and the thought of you staring too much without blinking comes to mind, how about just continuing to cook or drive and let the thought be present. It was really helpful for me in recovery to always remind myself,  that my thoughts do not have arms and hands. They cannot reach out and grab me and take hold of me.  I don’t have to listen to my thoughts. Thoughts are just something my brain automatically does.  Your body automatically knows what to do. It knows when to breathe, it knows when to swallow, it knows when to blink.  The thoughts that you are having, are simply thoughts. They really don’t have a meaning. You most likely don’t like having anxiety, so your brain is just throwing attention towards things that may make you anxious. Simply because your brain is always trying to protect you, so naturally, it’s going to come up with thoughts that are going to make you anxious to keep you out of danger. Trust your body, and trust your values. These are your compass your Compass will never steer you wrong. 😊

@Testaz I really do understand what you’re saying! It’s complicated to explain, but I really do comprehend it! I’ve had something very very similar myself! You do not have a “rare sub-type of OCD” you are not delusional. You don’t have an illness. The OCD is not a disease. OCD is something WE do. That’s why it’s a “disorder” so it is something like a “tic” like you have mentioned. If I were your mental health coach- The best advice I would give you, would be to Stop watching those videos. I don’t necessarily think they traumatized you, but it left an impression, as in your brain saying- “Oh, this is something Testaz doesn’t like. Testaz has “labeled” this as something bad and makes Testaz anxious, so we MUST keep putting this certain thing at the forefront and keep checking to see if it’s still there and if it keeps bothering Testaz” If you’re anxious about “staring at someone or something” for long periods of time without blinking. I would do some ERP work that would entail- Telling yourself you are going to stare at that person until I can’t take it anymore and I just have to blink. I don’t care what that person thinks of me, I’m just going to do that! And then when you’re actually talking to that person, just be engaged in the conversation. You don’t have to check on your staring or blinking. I understand your brain will be screaming at you to CHECK to see if you’re staring for too long! CHECK to see if you’ve blinked! And that’s perfectly fine!! That’s the whole point of the exercise. Continue to engage in conversations that matter to you, whatever your brain is screaming. Easier said than done, I know. But with time, it will be something you don’t notice anymore. Why? Because your brain won’t see it as a threat. If you have tremendous anxiety and start freaking out, then awesome! Continue to engage in conversation.