ROCD

I’ve been in my relationship for almost 9 years and I’ve been married to him for one year. I love him so much, he is such a great man so patient and caring and kind. And I’m very lucky to have him honestly I feel like it’s really hard for people to find someone they love so much they are willing to do anything for that person even though they may get on your nerves sometimes. But unfortunately I’ve been experiencing rocd I’ve been doubting how I really feel about him, if I actually love him, if I love him “enough” rather I want to be with him, I’ve been questioning what if I end up liking someone else? What if I do like someone else? What if he isn’t enough? What if that’s why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling? Feeling guilty at the same time because I feel like he deserves the world, and I feel like I’m letting him down (although he has been super supportive) I feel like I’m not giving him what he deserves. And it’s been an ongoing anxious feeling like a ball of fear in my stomach crying asking god why, having panic attacks and constantly fearing the worst possible outcome. All I want is to be able to be happy again and sit with him and live our lives happily and forget that this ever happened but it feels impossible. It’s like I know I love him and that I want to be with him but I can’t get these thoughts to go away. And the thought of “you’ve been with him for so long if it was actually ocd this would’ve happened awhile ago” keep getting to me or feeling like what if it’s not ocd? What if this is actually how I feel and if it is then how can I move forward with him? I don’t like talking about how I feel much besides to him and my closest friends, and it’s really hard for me to fully open up but I want to be able to share how I’ve been feeling so that maybe someone on here can feel not so alone. Everything I look up for rocd it happens a lot earlier within the relationship and everyone has their version of it. And it’s hard to find people that just start experiencing it way later in their relationship so I really do hope that someone that is going through the same thing sees this and just knows their not alone and I really hope I don’t trigger anyone else. This is something that is awful dealing with it’s like living in your personal hell. It’s by far one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with, I’ve been feeling so exhausted and drained today. I’ve been very sad and just very gloomy today (I also deal with depression) and I have tried everything to make me feel better but it’s just one of those days. Everyone stay safe and you’re not alone, I really hope that each of you overcome your ocd for the better.

I’m just curious if anyone else has ever dealt with this specific bit of what I assume is ROCD. This is the second time I’ve dealt with this, but I wasn’t in a relationship the first time it became an issue, and now I am. Basically I’m having intrusive thoughts that I’m meant to be with someone from my past who treated me terribly and is someone I was never able to see a future with, and whom I absolutely don’t want a future with. I’m currently in the healthiest and happiest relationship I’ve ever been in, but these thoughts just won’t stop flooding in, and the last few months they’ve come with coincidences that make it even harder to deal with (a patient of mine having the past guy’s birthday, the past guy’s name showing up more frequently, etc) I’m literally marrying the love of my life in just over a week, and this just seems so unfair, and it’s causing some guilt as well. I’m just curious if anyone else has ever experienced these thoughts too, and what you did to overcome them. Thanks for reading all this!

Struggling with ROCD lately and it’s really getting to me. I know I love my partner deeply, but these intrusive thoughts just won’t let up. It’s like this constant battle between my heart and my mind, and it’s exhausting. Does anyone else experience this? Feeling like you need to do something to ease the uneasiness, even though you know deep down you’re with the right person? It’s like walking on a tightrope of happiness and doubt.