rocd and break ups

i have rocd and am in a long term relationship. i have a hard time differentiating between obsessive/intrusive thoughts about my relationship comingfrom OCD and actual gut feelings. for 2 years I’ve thought that i need to break up with my partner but i usually dismiss it because i think its rocd. now im worried that it actually means i should break up but i know that after i do i’ll be obsessing whether it was the right decision … does that make sense? don’t know how to separate rocd from “real” feelings

Username: tulipomaniatulipomania

Date posted: 2y ago

I broke up with a long term partner last year (that now, looking back, should have ended AGES before it did!) and got all these thoughts. I didn’t know what to do, but talked about it with some trusted friends/family, and realized that he was making me a worse person (he was super passive and we would argue constantly about things that he made me feel like I was an idiot for) and *big one*, I wasn’t in love with him anymore, I was in love with the idea of him. Took me a second to really get that, but that’s how I knew it wasn’t just in my head, it was real. After we broke up, I made an 8 page list of why I broke up with him because I felt like no one better would come along or I did the wrong thing/made the wrong choice. The list and my friends helped remind me that my ROCD/OCD (I also have Pure O!!) was the stuff trying to make me feel worthless and get back together with him, not because I actually wanted to. Hardest year so far, but I am SO better off for it! Moral of the story is: check your intentions. These thoughts could absolutely be ROCD. They could also be totally real and legit reasons of why you should leave. If you can talk to your therapist or a friend, it may help! But write down so you can see the reasons why you are together, and write down the reasons you don’t want to stay together. If those reasons are because of/center around fear, uncertainty and doubt, it’s probably ROCD. If they center around emotional feelings of “I don’t love them” or “I don’t feel safe (mentally/emotionally/physically, whatever!) with this person” or “they treat me badly”, these are more objective legit feelings that you definitely can pay attention to and validate!!!

Username: kathrkathr

Date posted: 2y ago

thank you so much for this comment. i had to end my previous relationship afew years back and it had also gone far farr past its ‘prime’. this was before my diagnosis and a lot of things make sense looking back. i think I’ve been worried lately thinking i can’t “trust” my thoughts and feelings now in light of my diagnosis. im trying to figure out how to really listen to my heart and not my head. i think writing out rationale sounds so helpful, especially if i do end up breaking up the relationship, so i can remember with clarity why i made the decision and not doubt or obsess over it too much

Username: tulipomaniatulipomania

Date posted: 2y ago

@kathr Absolutely, I’m so glad this was helpful to you!! Wow, I was in the same boat, too… I had no idea I had OCD and looking back, everything makes sense! Totally understand where you were and where you are <3

Username: CrimsonCaprisunCrimsonCaprisun

Date posted: 2y ago

Do you have a therapist as well? It may be easier to differentiate your thoughts when discussing them with a professional. Its so difficult to perceive what is real with OCD, especially when you're the one going through it

Username: kathrkathr

Date posted: 2y ago

i do but i feel weirdly guilty when i talk too much about my relationship? idk if that makes sense haha but like it seems trivial and more like complaining to friends about silly partner stuff ha ha … i know that’s not the truth but i feel frustrated coming out of therapy if i spent all my time talking about my relationship and not myself. ? also my therapist isn’t the best with understanding OCD i don’t think

Username: CrimsonCaprisunCrimsonCaprisun

Date posted: 2y ago

@kathr If you're not getting what you want out of your therapist, I'd recommend maybe looking into a new one! But also, your therapy sessions are for YOU! If you have a problem, it's not trivial and a good therapist understands that too.

Username: tulipomaniatulipomania

Date posted: 2y ago

@kathr Also totally agree with CrimsonC! If your therapist isn’t serving you, it is okay for you to look for a new one, and is important you take care of YOU! This is your time, money and health! Additionally, I also feel so guilty talking about ROCD stuff with my therapist. It feels so dumb and trivial, but it’s totally not. Especially with the issue you are dealing with ATM, it can be really helpful to have someone help you digest and identify (and help you to identify) those feelings you can or can’t trust. I just recently decided I was gonna jump in and talk to my therapist more about ROCD, and it’s been really helpful!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 7w ago

Rocd is the most difficult thing I've ever gone through. When people say "trust your gut" i don't know what that means. My gut always tells me there's something to worry about. I'd say if your relationship is healthy and there's no red flags, such as abuse or manipulation, if you feel like you're good together and they're good to you, it's just OCD. But I get it, I had the same cycle of intrusive thoughts for a little over a year regarding my relationship.

Username: MaedayMaeday

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

It's hard. It's the uncertainty of life. I'm there with you.

Username: Everhip119!Everhip119!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22w ago

If it causes DISTRESS and you NEED to figure it out more than anything in the whole world. OCD. OCD wants to make you think it’s real. Don’t feed it.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Rocd what is a gut feeling and what is real!?

I’ve been with my bf for 8 months and really love him. Recently though my ROCD has been insane. I can’t stop thinking about breaking up with him and have this feeling that he isn’t the one for me. But when I’m with him the feeling subsides and I feel happy most of the time (no relationship is perfect). I’ve had moments of such intense dread and anxiety from this I just want to blurt out and say I want to break up when I don’t even. It’s almost like I feel there will be huge sense of relief once I do..it’s the worst at night. But then I think about not having him in my life and it feels even more dreadful . And even if I am having some real doubts that aren’t anxiety it is not at all close to the point of a break up convo. Does anyone have any good exercises or suggestions to make this stop?

Relationship OCD

Username: allysjk

Date posted: 39w ago

ROCD and breaking up + the future

I have been with my boyfriend in college for 4 months now. This is my first relationship and being in a relationship made me discover i have OCD, I never knew I had it before. How do I stop the ROCD from feeling so *real*? Does anyone else struggle with this? Suddenly my mind starts saying no this isn’t ROCD you’re just in denial and you need to break up with your boyfriend because you can’t “waste time” with him because it is probably going to end anyways. A huge trigger for me is also the fact that this IS my first love and I know those rarely last. I keep thinking this is just going to end in pain and heartbreak so I should end it now or what if I get stuck in this relationship and fast forward 10 years I wish I had dated someone else and not wasted my time and it ends in divorce or something. I feel so at war with myself and my OCD is so good at convincing me it’s real. Even right now I just had an attack and I swear maybe I do need to break up with him because of how bad my ROCD is itself. Anyone else feel that? like meta ROCD where “I need to break up with him because the ROCD is going to ruin things anyway”. Please help, how do I tell what I really want

Relationship OCD

Username: Jakiss12

Date posted: 36w ago

ROCD breakup

I broke up with my partner because I didn’t feel like it was fair to her to have to be with someone who was in constant doubt over his attraction and the relationship long term.. now I’m missing this person and am having a hard time trusting my decision or what to do next.

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rocd and break ups

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