POCD! Possible TW⚠️⚠️

It’s only just sank in that I am never going to be able to live a normal life. All I have ever wanted from a young age is to have children of my own, I was a young mother hen when I was a child haha, I was always looking after the little ones. I never ever had an intrusive thought like that ever. I’ve been coping good with the POCD lately but when I think about having children of my own it absolutely terrifies me because I’d be left alone with them almost all of the time and I am so so so scared that I’ll harm them. I’d rather die than harm a child, I would rather be tortured to death than harm a child. I’ve been dealing with POCD for over a year and I still cannot understand why this had to happen to me. My whole world has been shattered by this. My confidence has been destroyed, it has killed me. I used to love the idea of children, now I hate it.

POCD

Username: Fifi3201Fifi3201

Date posted: 2y ago

Often those who love children so much suffer from POCD. Your story is like mine. Im the eldest of a bunch of cousins so I was designated babysitter all the time and I loved it. Whenever someone came over with a baby I’d beg to hold it and feel so happy when I had a baby in my arms. People told me from a young age I’d make a great mom. I’d put pillows under my shirt on top of my tummy and even pretend to breastfeed my teddy bear. But as my OCD developed and I started to struggle with POCD, my dream of being a mom seems near impossible. I hope we both can recover and achieve our dreams ❤️‍🩹

Username: Zoë_84Zoë_84

Date posted: 2y ago

I never had much contact to children, but I told myself, when my Magical Thoughts OCD had been my number one theme, if OCD ever makes me dangerous for others, I will kill myself. I practically told that monster how to get me. I not only suffer from POCD, but also from sexually intrusive thoughts about animals, family members, mentally disabled, very old and fragile people and women, sometimes even men, if it is clear, they'd be unhappy, if I sexually approached them. I only ever feel okay having physical contact to a partner. Not every touch is sexual, of course, but as sexual touches are okay, I don't fear sexual thoughts, when with him (back when I still had a partner, that is.). I also suffer from Harm OCD, but as to me sexual assulting someone is worse then killing someone, it makes total sense, that OCD chose those sexual themes.

Username: marbomarbo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

SAME

Username: airbearairbear

Date posted: 2y ago

I have 2 boys 7 and 5, also my 13 year old brother lives with us. I just want say it’s hard to have pocd and be a mom but I love it and would never change it. I have amazing days and can live like I’ve never had it and be present and am able to show them affection. There are bad days but I work with a therapist and I know everything’s ok. Just a few days ago I called him saying how I thought I needed to go get checked in somewhere so I knew my kids would be safe. He told me that my kids are safe with me and to go home even if it causes distress and I did, I went home. I felt absolutely horrible at first but he was right the distress lessened and now a few days later my ocd is calm and I enjoy my kids again. I just want you guys to know pocd doesn’t mean you can’t be a mom but I feel like it makes us some of the strongest moms out there!

Username: Zoë_84Zoë_84

Date posted: 2y ago

I'm sorry you can't always enjoy the time with your kids, but your therapist is right, your kids are safe with you!

Username: Searching4✌🏼Searching4✌🏼

Date posted: 1y ago

@airbear I have kids around the same age. Im curious have you done ERP therapy. Also do you take medication? I have just horrific thoughts surrounding pocd. Like any horrific thought pissible. Its exhausting. I just struggle to understand how to forgive myself for thinking such terrible things 😔

Username: Zoë_84Zoë_84

Date posted: 2y ago

Imtired, I know how that feels and I know it's horrible beyond compare. I suffer from many different OCD themes and POCD/ZOCD are the worste for me by far. But that's why OCD made those my strongest themes. For me sexually molesting a child, or animal is worse, than any other harm, even worse than death. OCD latchs on to the things that are the most dear to us. I, for example, could never develop Religious OCD, as I am an atheist. Even, if blasphemic thoughts pop up, I don't care about them at all. I know it is a tough nut and I haven't gotten a handle on it yet, but many on here had been successful in fighting against POCD.

Username: shizashiza

Date posted: 2y ago

i get where youre coming from so well. I love children, i absolutely adore them. About 2 years ago ,my sister once told me about Michael Jacksons scandal that stated that he used to sexually assault young kids and that absolutely terrified me. I was disgusted but idk how i started thinking about me being a rapist. The other day my young cousin came to my place she was about 4 or 5 at that time. I remember feeling like i might touch her inappropriately so i maintained my distance all day and got thought like she has a nice butt and that is absolutely disgusting. I remember thinking why im getting those thoughts to myself but i just jerked them off and ignored it. I started getting those thoughts about my younger sister too. I used to push her away when she came to give me hugs or cuddle with me while sleeping. I still suffer with these thoughts now on and off but it got alot better after i read about ocd online. I still dont have a diagnosis but im pretty convinced i have ocd.

Username: hope

Date posted: 3y ago

trying to sit with the intrusive thoughts and fear, it’s so hard. i don’t want this. i just want to go back to my normal self who only focused on what i wanted to and not this shell of who i use to be dying to just live again. pocd is the worst theme, it’s taken over my life. every move i make i am just overthinking everything. my brain tells me lies and sometimes i am so afraid i question if i am just “in denial” it’s so terrifying. i feel so so so much guilt, i would and could never hurt a child, it hurts me to even think about it. it makes me feel evil that i have intrusive thoughts. my brain tells me i am “attracted” to kids even though i know i am not, it’s hell. i’ve been having a huge flare up, maybe bc i am on my period, but it’s super difficult lately. i visited my nephew this weekend and i had so much fun, but of course my pocd ruined it and put intrusive thoughts in my head and said i was “attracted” AND I AM NOT, i was disgusting like ACTUALLY HORRIFIED. i wanted to go home so badly and when i got home i just felt so much guilt. pocd has ruined me. i want to be a mom, i want to be an amazing aunt. why is this disorder attacking me so much. :(

POCD

Username: Kasey2001

Date posted: 2y ago

I have severe OCD and I experience all different types of intrusive thoughts and compulsions I fucking hate it! But one thing I struggle with the most is POCD! It makes me violently sick and disturbed but I know it’s not me and I know it’s not true but then why do I feel so disgusting? I have two children, one 5 and the other is 1, I don’t want to change my daughters nappys I don’t want to get her dressed (of course I do because I don’t have a choice) but it triggers me so bad and gets me in a state, I don’t know how to get over this I’ve had this certain thought for over six weeks and I can’t do it anymore, I’m so distressed they deserve better, why can’t I just be a normal person, I’ve actually thought about giving them up over these thoughts it’s breaking me and it’s breaking my heart, I actually can’t try beat this anymore.

Username: kanyewestlov...

Date posted: 1y ago

should i still have kids?

i haven’t been diagnosed w/ ocd but my therapist says i have like symptoms of it but i recently just stared dealing w/ Pocd (hell) that my therapist says was triggered from the sound of freedom which absolutely breaks my heart bc i was so excited to support the movie but now i feel like it’s one of my biggest regrets. i feel as if i would’ve never watched the movie i would’ve possibly never started dealing w/ this. But my biggest scare now w/ this is having my own kids . i’m F18 and throughout my whole teenhood my biggest goal and dream was to become a mother a GOOD mother. everything i tried doing was motivated by the thoughts of giving my kids the absolute best one day. Now i feel like it’s my biggest fear w/ dealing w/ this and i don’t know how i’d even explain to someone like my bf for example, of the reason why i don’t want to have kids anymore ( though i still really do but i just literally feel like can’t because of this 💔💔) are there any mothers out there w/ Pocd w/ kids out here? how do you cope w/ this? should i even have kids?? i also feel as if it kinda bad rn. i was doing good for a couple weeks and last night it just rushed back for no reason. i’ve learned what groinal responses are ( it absolutely scared the shit out of me before i found out what it was and i was just not okay and sort still am not when it happens. it just feel too real and i end up sobbing god i hate this ) and i feel as if i’m constantly body checking myself especially when i see a cute baby or children tiktok i love babies n kids id never wanna hurt them in such away i rather pass away. i just can’t believe why this this happening i used to be so much more happier before this and i really don’t know how to deal w/ this and what i should do😖💔💔

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POCD! Possible TW⚠️⚠️

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