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I am currently in the exact same situation, I’m not sure how helpful my advice would be but know you are not alone because I also get stuck in the trap of “why won’t it leave my mind?” “If the thoughts aren’t me then why can’t I just let it go?”. And I start worrying that because of this some part of it must be true. What helps me sometimes is remembering that this is unfortunately how ocd is. The doubt is not caused by something within us that wants the nature of the thoughts. You said the intrusive thought was worrying and nasty to you, you’ve taken responsibility for it and your brain has processed it as very important. It’s processed as a threat, so your brain thinks it’s vital to get to the bottom of it, to make sure it’s not true in order to feel safe, that’s why you can’t stop thinking about it. Unfortunately, and I’ve been in this boat the last few weeks too with sexually taboo obsessions, ruminations and trying to get to conclusions though them will not satisfy the fear. It’s so hard, but I keep reminding myself that when the thought comes up that I do not have a responsibility to think about it, that there is no answer waiting, that my brain is scared and wants me to ruminate but I don’t need to and that doesn’t mean the thought is true. It’s so difficult though especially with obsessions that have to do with who you are, it’s horrifying and exhausting. Something that also helped me was trying to work though the guilt I was feeling over the thoughts (Tara Brach’s podcast episode about self forgiveness made me feel better) as I had blamed myself for all of it, which is so hard not to do. Anyways, I hope things get better for you, the whole thing really sucks.

Similar boat. Not fun. Here's to hoping we all feel better soon.

Similar boat.. for me it started one night when I was having sex with my bf.. what if I like sex with old people? Then even worse.. what if I like sex kids? Then I remember myself panicking about these thoughts.. every time I tried to justify a thought, a harder one would come to my head.. what if I do something to a kid? No, I'm the kindest person with no interest in such thing.. oh but what if you did something to the girls you looked after some time ago.. and that got me into a spiral of thoughts that I don't know what's real anymore.. POCD it's even harder because we all watch porn and some things can be confused in our minds.. whenever I have a thought I try to think it's the OCD and I'm an amazing kind and caring person.

The more you think “why do I keep thinking this?” the more the thought will come. Try your best to accept the thought when it comes without ruminating on it