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Username: KAD.98

Date posted: 2y ago

Weird compulsion.

Okay this is going to sound VERY weird. But please it’s effecting my health and I need ways to stop this compulsion before it gets really bad. Btw I’ve had this compulsion since I was about 8 or 9 years old (I’m 24). Every night I have 2 prayers I repeat for almost 20 mins. One prayer in particular is praying for my health, my puppies health, and my boyfriends health. Before I pray for my health I pray really really really hard by applying pressure to my head and then I continue my little prayer and pray for my lungs, my stomach, breasts, butt, skin, etc while I touch each body part. Then I put pressure to my head and pray for my teeth. Then I put pressure to my head and pray for my eyes. And then I pray really really really hard and put pressure to my head and pray for my puppy and boyfriend. It’s gotten so bad I get a headache by the end of prayer and it’s hell if I keep messing up and have to completely restart my prayer. I do this EVERY night. EVERY night for almost more than a decade and my prayers have only gotten longer and added more compulsions to it. Please please help. It’s getting irritating and I’m dreading every night when I have to pray!!!! 😫😫😫 please don’t judge idk why I do this I just need to to make sure my prayer is the way I need it. I guess I have this compulsion where I feel the need for God to understand this prayer is really important to me so I’m showing him by inflicting pain on myself. Idk I’m weird and have weird habits and compulsions related to OCD. Just please help. 🤦🏻‍♀️🥲 I also am so embarrassed I haven’t told anyone this my entire life until I was just recently diagnosed with severe OCD, I thought it was normal. I’m embarrassed to do this in front of my boyfriend (I don’t want him watching me in the corner doing my little ritualistic prayer and touching my body like a crazy person)

Username: Bd2Bd2

Date posted: 2y ago

Rememeber that God knows you more than you could ever know yourself! He created you! He knows what you think is important before you could even begin to express it to him. ❤️ I would start by not laying hands on myself anymore and by just praying a very small prayer. Remember God knows your heart.

Username: KAD.98KAD.98

Date posted: 2y ago

I have tried to say a shorter prayer but I just can’t seem to stop this compulsion. It’s terrible. In my head and I know it’s irrational but I think “if I don’t say this over and over until it feels right or I don’t say it in this way my prayers will not be answered or I’ll get terminally ill” and I give in EVERYTIME. I still pray for things that have already passed but I have this thought process that if anything enters my prayers it cannot leave. Which is why I’m still praying for the same things that I did when I was a child and my prayers have only gotten longer and longer. And I’ve tried to stop touching each body part but I hate this compulsion because if I don’t touch it right I have to restart which means praying “really hard” and putting pressure to my head causing a bigger headache. I’m so sorry if this sounds weird or doesn’t make sense but it’s seriously affecting my health and I have bad bad health OCD so I’m thinking of bad long term effects but I can’t seem to kick this compulsion!!! It’s been almost 15-16 years!

Username: Bd2Bd2

Date posted: 2y ago

@KAD.98 I understand and I don’t think you’re weird. I have my own compulsions which is why I’m here too. Which I also think is weird lol. But that is the point of ERP to resist. You have to try to resist. You won’t get terminally ill. You can do this! Praying for you!

Username: StillHoldingOnStillHoldingOn

Date posted: 2y ago

So sorry you're having to go through this. These thoughts about something bad happening if you don't pray in a certain way are definitely intrusive thoughts. Disengaging with the thought is what is going to help over time. I know you said that you tried making the prayer shorter. That was really good. The anxiety you felt when you did that was actually good bc that's what you need to feel before you can get better. It's going to be extremely uncomfortable at first. When the thoughts tell you that it doesn't feel right and you have to pray, calmly and firmly say, "this is just OCD I'm going to let this pass". Because thats what the thought is. The thought telling you it wont be ok is the OCD. Now, you're still going to feel anxiety. If it's still very high, try this breathing exercise right here... https://youtu.be/tEmt1Znux58 After that repeat quietly but firmly, "this is just OCD, I'm going to let this pass.". Allow the thoughts to be there, but do not engage with it by questioning it or trying to figure it out.

Username: StillHoldingOnStillHoldingOn

Date posted: 2y ago

Allowing the anxiety just be there while gently moving on with what you're doing it is what is going to help heal this over time. It takes a lot of practice and you're going to have to be your strongest while you are at your weakest, but it's just like a muscle You will get stronger and stronger overtime and the anxiety levels will begin to go down down down until before you realize it, you won't even have to pray like this anymore. You'll be able to pray as normal and to know that God hears you, even without praying this way

Username: KAD.98KAD.98

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you so much, I will defiantly try this breathing technique and phrase. The phrase I’ve been using lately is “I trust myself and I love myself” it works on good days but never enough to kick my praying habits. My religion OCD is a killer and it’s my biggest and longest compulsion I’ve had. I just recently got diagnosed so I’m just now learning how to cope with my OCD flare up. I remember being so little and having so much anxiety and repeating my prayer because my head would go to “did I just pray to downstairs or the man above, I better pray again and ONLY focus on God” or “omg I just thought of hurting Jesus, I need to pray again and ONLY focus on good thoughts.” I’m so amazed by you guys. I was scared and nervous about sounding crazy and weird but I’m relieved to finally be able to admit my weird habits and hear that other people can relate and have the same exact anxiety 😭❤️❤️❤️

Username: StillHoldingOnStillHoldingOn

Date posted: 2y ago

You are not weird at all. We totally understand. This is anxiety. We do these things because they help us relieve the anxiety. It's honestly something anyone would do if they had the same anxiety. I'm proud of you for getting started on your journey for healing. This is a really big step. Here for you

Username: Bd2Bd2

Date posted: 2y ago

A verse that always helps me is “God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind”

Username: MentalHealthMatters!MentalHealth...

Date posted: 2y ago

Try psalm 46:10 this helps with my religious ocd.

Username: ShellcatShellcat

Date posted: 2y ago

I am so sorry. You're not weird and I totally understand. I get very anxious around prayer time. Ygou said you've been diagnosed with OCD . Are you in therapy? I'm on Fluvoxamine, which seems to help but I still struggle with different types of OCD; one, being religious/spirituality. Have you thought about ERP therapy? My insurance doesn't cover this treatment yet. I understand and will be happy to try to answers any other questions.

Username: KAD.98KAD.98

Date posted: 2y ago

I was just diagnosed a couple months ago. I had a breakdown and my OCD flared up, I always thought it was anxiety but now I’m reading and doing research realize I’ve had it since I was a child. I’m currently taking Celexa 10mg but my therapist wants to change it and try something else. I’m also trying ERP and it does work on good days, but days I’m stressed or overthinking I find myself still falling into the same loop of compulsions. Thank you!!!

Username: LydiaKLydiaK

Date posted: 2y ago

You're not weird at all. I used to have a pretty similar compulsion when i was religious. Sadly, the only solution is to stop this type of prayer. You can do this, it'll be painful and extremely stressful but it's doable.

Username: KAD.98KAD.98

Date posted: 2y ago

If you don’t mind me asking what we’re your praying compulsions and coping methods to stop. Or did you stop cold turkey. I get VERY VERY anxious about praying when I think I’m sick, am sick, or think I have a terminal illness. I one time stayed up 3 1/2 compulsively praying the readjusting the chair in my room because I thought I was dying. I have tried to stop but my thing is if I don’t say my exact prayer the way I need it to feel relief than I’m not saying one at all. Then I feel guilty cause I think I’ll get sick if I don’t pray so I end up praying! I have fallen asleep praying because I’ve been so exhausted or literally intoxicated that I don’t remember telling my boyfriend “I need to say my prayers in this EXACT way and I need to do it ALONE”. It’s freaking TERRIBLE. It’s my worst compulsion to kick and I feel there is no hope for this one. I usually can kick the light switches and stepping on a crack but then it’ll come back the next day or next week and I start giving in again! 😫😫😫😫 I’m sorry I just need to vent, I don’t have a dang therapy appointment until the 6th and I feel like I’ve already annoyed my therapist with my constant worrying. 🥲

Username: KAD.98KAD.98

Date posted: 2y ago

It’s good to hear other people can relate, defiantly takes a big weight off my shoulders thinking I’m alone in this. (No one in my family has been diagnosed for OCD and when I speak about it they’re confused on the “magical thinking” parts plus I don’t want to talk about it and continuously feel like a burden to my boyfriend) I just need people to be like “OMG ME TOO I think I’m dying ALL the time, I do that too!!” so I can freaking relate and maybe I won’t think I’m dying all the dang time!!!! 😐😫

Username: LydiaKLydiaK

Date posted: 2y ago

@KAD.98 No problem! You can start little by little! By removing one thing from your praying list at a time! For example start by doing everything except from the teeth part, and keep that up for a week or so until you can remove more things! Take it slow, you don't have to cut it off completely, immediately.

Username: KAD.98KAD.98

Date posted: 2y ago

@LydiaK I will defiantly try this!!! Thank you!! ❤️❤️❤️

Username: LydiaKLydiaK

Date posted: 2y ago

@KAD.98 Good luck! You can do this!❤️

Username: Vannafaith

Date posted: 3y ago

This is going to be long but I hope someone will read and help. I had to do a compulsion where I have to picture my fiance, say his name, and then say the word GOD afterwards. So I did this compulsion and afterwards the words "I hate God" popped up into my head. It is scaring the crap out of me even though I know I love the Lord and I am a religious person. It is scaring me also because I don't want to do another compulsion and I don't want to end it on something so negative either. I am not looking for reassurance, but I just need to know if I'm not alone and if there is anything I can do to prevent myself from doing another compulsion to stop this.

Username: lfounds14

Date posted: 3y ago

Hello. I’m new to this app, and I just wanted to put my story out there so maybe someone can relate. I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 8. It always has changed throughout the years, but most recently it is kind of revolving around praying. I have never been super religious, but about 7 years ago I started a prayer that I started saying daily and if I messed up or said something wrong or “didn’t feel right” then I would have to start over. I feel like now, if I don’t do it, then something bad will happen and I just don’t feel right. I feel like since it’s been a daily ritual for almost a decade, I can’t not do it without getting anxious. I have lots of other obsessions and compulsions but this one is causing me the most distress. Can anyone else relate?

Username: katee.evans29

Date posted: 1y ago

i need help

hii everyone, so, it has been about 2 or 3 years I’d say since I’ve been dealing with this. let’s just get right into it, so first, whatever I have (which might be OCD, I’m not entirely sure what it is) has taken over basically most of my childhood, and what kills me is that I’ll never get it back. one thing I know is that im not normal, i now get sleepless nights. why you may ask? because of my horrifying thoughts, “if you don’t look up you’ll be praying to the devil and you’ll go to hell!” “if you don’t say ‘God bless them’ their condition will happen to you!” “if you don’t say ‘good yetho 2x’ (idek..) ‘your mom will die 5x’ you’ll die and forget how to read. “if you don’t put your arms up, look directly up at the ceiling because if you look down you’ll pray to the devil so you need to look up, and say ‘Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that you forgive me for my sins in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.’ you’ll go straight to hell!” or whenever I touch a wall, i need to touch it with my small finger because if I touch it twice with my pointer finger my body will go to hell. it’s an endless cycle, and what’s even worse is that I may never be able to get help. I’ll never get that life back that I wanna live, and it kills me. I’ve named most of the compulsions and obsessions I have and I have 18 compulsions that are physical and about 5 obsessions that I really don’t wanna name right now. anyway, i really don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve done a lot of research regarding around disorders, and it’s safe to say that I may have OCD. Now, do i want ocd? absolutely not. however, there’s a family member in my family who has it. so the chances of me having it are strong, i don’t think I’m able to get better until I’m 18. an adult. I’m 12 years old, my mom has noticed my compulsions and me repeating certain words. but she does nothing, absolutely nothing. instead, she just argues with me over it. if I ever tell my mom to sit down and ask her about getting a test, she would probably call me the R-Slur and tell me I’m crazy. Therefore, I’m all alone in this situation with no one to help me. another obsession I have is about me catching cancer if I don’t do a compulsion or I might get paralyzed and get sleep paralysis. It’s so horrifying, there’s more obsessions and compulsions I have but I really don’t wanna name them right now. I cry almost every day because of how exhausted I am, and how much help i truly want to get but I don’t think I ever will. I’m unsure whether or not I have ocd, people tell me to get a diagnosis. but the situation I am in right now makes it impossible. i have no way of getting tested but I have a good feeling I have ocd, if you’re reading this, please try to give me your thoughts and what I should do, and if I even have OCD. Thanks! :))

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