Existential OCD

For the past week-ish I have been having a really scary existential crisis that feels like it is stemming from ocd. It started with me being freaking out that i’m going to die one day, then it merge into me being freaked out about what was going to happen after I die (mostly the thought of nothingness). I found some very brief relief in some spiritual beliefs and watching psychic medium readings but then I started think about even bigger and harder to answer questions such as, “if there is a God, who created God?”, “Is the afterlife scary?”, “Could the afterlife end one day?” “What is the point of anything at all?”, “Will the sun exploding destroy whatever afterlife exist?” Really ridiculous questions. I truly believe that there is something after death and something that exists as a life force science cannot explain, but the fact that my mind can’t comprehend or figure it out is really really scary. I feel as if I am going crazy. I have been thinking about nothing but the universe and the meaning behind it all and where it all came from. I can’t enjoy anything anymore. I just want to lay in bed all day and even that is hard. I have been non-stop watching videos about people’s beliefs about this topic trying desperately to find some sort of answer and I am starting to think that may be a compulsion. I am trying my best to remind myself that I when I die I will have all the answers to these questions and I don’t need to worry about this right now because it truly doesn’t affect anything or change anything in my life but it is really hard. I feel as if I have “uncovered” something and my life will never return to normal again. I am terrified that I am going to go crazy or start having hallucinations and that I’ve ruined my life by researching into something so complex and not understandable at all. Any kind of suggestions or anything would be helpful, I hate dealing with this and feeling so crazy and hopeless.

Username: acrawford23acrawford23

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m going through the same thing. It is a really uncomfortable feeling. I try to keep as busy as I can and that usually helps until I try to relax then it’s a never ending cycle again. ☹️

Username: reaganmariereaganmarie

Date posted: 1y ago

@acrawford23 seriously feels like a never ending cycle. I’ll have a few hours where I feel good and then it all comes rushing back and it just goes on and on. In the few hours where I feel good I have moments of clarity and realize that I’m being ridiculous but it doesn’t change how soul crushing the bad times feel. :(

Username: wfdnashwfdnash

Date posted: 1y ago

Stop watching videos and go outside. Help someone else. Take the focus off of your self.

Username: aka_momoaka_momo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Wow, I am literally going through something almost exactly the same. I had a whole meltdown over all of this, and even began researching different faiths to possibly go into, despite knowing I am Atheist and I was just having an OCD attack. I talked to my trusted and vetted loved ones about this and I had to learn the hard way with my OCD that we simply will just never know. This is the one definite thing my OCD will never get absolute certainty on. The afterlife, God(s), and everything with it will never be truly understood. And instead of paying attention to my thoughts about life after death, I need to stop letting it ruin this life I have now. Best advice: stop looking at videos. It makes it 10x worse. Go talk to someone you trust about this (make sure they're someone who knows about OCD). Yeah, we're all going to die someday, and we truly won't know what happens until we get there. As did our ancestors. It is the circle of life. So live this life! Go outside, get off the internet, and think. This is a topic that many people do indeed struggle with -- both OCD sufferers and not. It is okay to be uncertain and a little unnerved about what happens after death. I would be concerned if someone didn't have that uncertainty at least once in their life -- it's natural for humans to be freaked out a bit about it. But don't let these intrusive thoughts control you. Easier said than done, I know. Work on sitting with that uncertainty and letting it fade. I hope this helps, this was hard for me to word.

Username: reaganmariereaganmarie

Date posted: 1y ago

@aka_momo It’s sooo hard. I’m trying everything I can do to just accept the fact that I don’t and won’t ever know until I get there but it’s so hard to accept. I just keep trying to remind myself that even if I knew these things it wouldn’t really change anything in my day-to-day life. I’m trying to stop watching videos around it but I feel like no matter what I do I am still thinking about it. I really hope this gets better, I want my life back. Thank you

Username: aka_momoaka_momo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@reaganmarie I feel you. The stopping of videos, articles, and posts is a step forward. Slowly cut out more and more compulsion. A tip is to write them down and acknowledge them. I still worry about it, but I just sit with it. It's uncomfortable at first but it slowly ebbs away. The thoughts will never fully be gone, but we can cope with them and work through them. You can do this!

Username: Rebecca p Rebecca p

Date posted: 1y ago

I don't have any suggestions for you. I also have deal with this kind of ocd. I read a lot of books about life after death did a lot of searching for the answers to the universe.. this was not helpful for me in the long run. My husband died 21 years ago and that's kind of when my ocd started to really get into looking for reassures. That there was an afterlife and visitations and looking for signs from him. There is a whole lot out there to read, watch and research but unfortunately it can be contradictory and my ocd needed constant reassurance and grief compounded the ocd symptoms. I went down a huge rabbit whole and became very ill 🤒 at the time I had not been diagnosed with ocd yet. It is a compulsion and I am trying to work on the uncertainty of it all..

Username: reaganmariereaganmarie

Date posted: 1y ago

@Rebecca p This is a very difficult theme to deal with because of the fact that it is so unknown. I hope we both get through this 🫶

Username: katiesexistence

Date posted: 5y ago

Hi everyone, I think I’ve struggled with OCD since I was a child but it’s seriously effecting my life now. I think I have what you would call Philosophical/ Existential OCD. I can’t stop questioning my reality, the truth of reality and the universe, enlightenment, Christianity, solipsism, god, myself, my own existence. It never ends. I don’t really know what to do anymore. I think I have Pure O, but I also compulsively google my questions and search through the answers for hours until I feel calm. The peace lasts all of 5 minutes and then I’m googling another question. It’s so stupid because I know the meaning of life isn’t found on the internet but I can’t handle it all on my own in my head.

Username: M11e02j0M5!

Date posted: 1y ago

Existential OCD

I haven’t been diagnosed with existential ocd but I have every single one of the symptoms. Death/afterlife and the meaning of life is 90% of what I think about day after day. I really hate it. I wish I could go back to the days when I never thought about death. I really just want it to stop. The worst part is know that no matter what it’s inevitable and nobody can stop it😞 any suggestions on how to feel better??

Existential OCD

Username: Vulpus

Date posted: 1y ago

Existential and Death Obsessions

Ever since my mom had a recent health scare, I've been obsessing over the inevitability of death, of the people around me, of my loved ones, and of my own. Looking at historical figures, hearing about dead people triggers a lot of these obsessions. Combined with the fact that I'm agnostic, and do not necessarily believe in an afterlife, so a thought that constantly appears and distresses me is the fact that when someone dies, they don't exist anymore, and they wouldn't know they existed. I've been struggling with these thoughts for a few months now, everytime I'm laughing or having fun with someone, an intrusive thought such as "They're going to die one day, and none of this would matter" would pop up, and it prevents me from grounding myself and enjoying the moment with loved ones. It makes me feel alone, and scared. I don't tell anyone about my thoughts, and I do not seek reassurance from them because I know it doesn't help. Some days it's okay, some days it isn't. On really bad days, I secretly wish that I would pass away before anyone that I cherish does so I won't have to bear the pain of losing them. I'm only 19 years old. And I know that my entire life is ahead of me, but with these thoughts, it's hard to visualize my life, and that it's worth living for sometimes. Ever since these thoughts appeared, I lost the ability to make long term plans, and visualize a future that I want because the thoughts tell me that none of it will matter. I know deep inside that what I do matters, and that I matter as well. But these thoughts cloud my judgement, and it takes a toll on me because of how persistent they can be. It's really hard to deal with these thoughts because death is a real concept, something that *will* happen. And because of these obsessions, I've become nihilistic, and I slowly lose the drive to accomplish anything. But I do try to live my life as normal as possible. Do the things I want to do, despite the heavy burden that I carry with me each day.

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Existential OCD

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