My ocd got me feeling crazy, help

I have extreme fear of rabies and it triggered my usually bearable ocd to the point i cant function normally. Whenever I pass by something on the ground resembling a bat my brain tells me its a bat and that I have touched it with my hand and that I have rabies now. Sometimes I take a photo of potential triggers to be sure I wont ruminate later aka ask myself what if it was this or that and i just look at the photo i took and be sure its nothing. The triggers are also becoming harder to bear everytime, for example 3 days ago it was night and I saw something small and dark on the ground and didnt see it clearly, phone was almost dead and i couldnt take a photo of it, probably wouldnt anyway because there were two people nearby so i just left myself a note in the phone that it was nothing and I didnt touch it, but you guessed it, my brain says its a bat and that i touched it, creating a false memory and now i feel like i cant know what actually happened..rn i cant think of anything but being terrified of dying of rabies because i cant trust my memory. I feel like Im going crazy

Username: VGHVGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 46w ago

Hi, I’m sorry you’re going through this, but please know you’re not alone. There are many of us who have similar thoughts, fears, urges and sensations around various themes of uncertainty. It’s important to understand, with these uncertainties, it’s the very things you’re doing to feel better, more certain, “to be sure I won’t ruminate later aka…” are the behaviors that are keeping the cycle of OCD fears going strong. I know, I spent years doing the same. Like you, I’d take pictures, write myself notes that I’d already “checked” something, etc. of course, the relief I gained didn’t last long. There would always be another doubt about that particular trigger or something new that would start the cycle all over again. If you haven’t already reach out to NOCD for help from a therapist trained to deal with OCD. After over 35 years of doing compulsions, I got my life back. You can too❤️. Your post remote of Shala Nicely’s memoir “Is Fred in the Refrigerator” i believe she also discusses a trigger of rabies. Reach out anytime, I’d be happy to offer you support. I also spend time on Ascend, a Discord server that offers support for people for with OCD. I’m GH on there https://discord.gg/Wyw3MBV7MS

Username: Anonymous499Anonymous499

Date posted: 46w ago

Thank you so much for replying. I joined the server, I dont really know how to use discord though:(I have a therapist but due to too many patients, I can only see her once a month which is nothing. I also started to see my psychiatrist again. I guess Im looking for someone to tell me Im not crazy because I really feel like the vaccine is the only thing that would keep me safe and sound. No other theme has ever bothered me like this and I cant study, eat or go outside. My mom also wont talk to me because she doesnt want the negative energy from me because of ocd and Im in a different city because of university. I just want to feel like I can trust my memory and know Im not dying for sure, its so tiring and lonely all of this

Username: VGHVGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 46w ago

@Anonymous499 - I'm sorry, I know how hard it is. It is important to remember that with OCD we want reassurance that we are going to be ok, that our memories are 100% correct, that we won't get rabies, whatever the fear or doubt is. Recovery involves allowing the uncertainty to be there, moving forward with our lives, even though we feel we simply cannot until we have an answer. The problem is, we can never be 100% sure about anything. So for recovery, we practice, we practice allowing uncertainty. We do this by stopping compulsions (things that make us feel better - like asking for reassurance, reassuring ourselves, checking our memory, taking pictures of things, writing notes to ourselves). It is difficult, but doable. Explore NOCD's videos on how to stop compulsions, read as much as you can. Reach out to me on the Discord server. What is your screen name there, I can help you navigate the server.

Username: Anonymous499Anonymous499

Date posted: 46w ago

@VGH Oh its so hard to accept the uncertainty because the risk is so big if im wrong..I just dont wanna get rabies and I dont wanna die. Im so close to sending an email about the vaccine but I always stop myself because i dont know what to write since Id have to make up a situation to get the vaccine and it would cost money. Im scared my brain wants to sabotage me somehow with all the what ifs, "what if i actually touched it and it was a bat but my brain just wont let me know that?". Its so exhausting, Ive lost weight because of all this and it just keeps going. Ill try doing less compulsions for sure, I just dont know how much longer I can be like this. Also my name on discord is Anja

Username: EmilyC15EmilyC15

Date posted: 46w ago

So I just recently went through something similar where I was fostering 2 kittens and was convinced one of them had rabies and because it scratched me I was going to die this started in early December and I am still working on it.

Username: VGHVGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 46w ago

Hi, I'd recommend Shala Nicely's book to you too. It was very helpful to me. OCD is difficult to navigate, and when we share our stories, hopefully it makes others feel less alone. 🩷

Username: CassieWalters87CassieWalters87

Date posted: 46w ago

Hey, sounds like you're going through a really tough time right now.💔 I've had similar struggles, and my OCD therapist introduced me to a free AI OCD therapy tool called "unstuck" (unstuckmyocd.com/try) that really helped me. Your situation reminded me of the tool as I think it'll be perfect for your struggle because it provides personalized step-by-step support to deal with OCD triggers and false memory formations. I know, the fear can feel overwhelming. Your method of acquiring 'hard evidence' to help manage your fears is really smart but I can understand how this can be challenging when the triggers are in public places.😔 Unstuck helped me navigate situations like these and I genuinely think it can help you too—I know, I hate promoting stuff but really, if my experience is anything to go by, it can provide some relief! Please know, I'm here for you in this battle.👍

Username: EvoorheeEvoorhee

Date posted: 14w ago

I have done the picture thing as well, if I’m in an area and I scratch myself on some thing I take a picture of the entire area to make sure that there was no bat around. I even went through my entire room and searched to make sure there were no bats in anything and I, shove blankets and pillows in front of my door so bats can’t get underneath my door. I know it’s OCD, because I have never ever seen a bat in my entire life other than being at the zoo or seeing one fly outside once in a blue moon. But I have never encountered one so the odds of a bat being in every single situation are close to almost 0. Encountering a bat for a normal average person is almost 0. But OCD says they’re everywhere.!! I hate it but I will get over it. It’s OK it will go away. Just don’t engage even though I have no room to talk.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Trigger warning OCD is taking over my life

I can’t deal with this OCD bullshit anymore. It’s to the point where every time I walk out my house and come back in I have to sanitize my shoes then the floor where my shoes stepped. I even have my boyfriend doing this and he doesn’t have OCD. I can’t even enough life like I use to anymore I have constantly be cleaning and disinfecting. All these chemicals that have gotten on my skin I know that can’t be healthy. I’m scared the thought of even walking in with my shoes and not using disinfectant triggers me so badly that it ruins my whole day. This all happened when weeks ago I saw a skunk at night walking through the apartment complex I lived in. Then I took my dogs to the vet to get their vaccines. Even though there was no contact I still freak out about rabies. Then the vet assured me that everything was ok. Then I see this stray cat that walks around the apartment complex and he is always trying to come up to my apartment door or the walkway then I’ve seen him walk we’re the skunk area was so now I’m like what if this cat has rabies and I walk where it walks and track it in my house and get rabies. God forbid. It’s to the point where we have a shoe rack and we have to disinfect every time we walk in and out. The other day I had guest and when they left the whole entire house was mopped and I even had bathe my dogs too since they were walking around where everyone was stepping. I even threw away their dog bed and bought them new ones. Please help I can’t live like this anymore.

Username: CB1992

Date posted: 1y ago

Stuck in an OCD loop

Have any of you been stuck in what feels like an OCD loop? It’s like being held hostage by OCD. It’s like everything becomes a trigger. Like there isn’t a part of the day where I’m not having intrusive thoughts because it’s the only thing my brain can think about. So every conversation I’m thinking of horrible things I could say, every time I pet my dog think of things I could do to hurt her, anytime I drive I think of hitting pedestrians, every time I’m alone I think of ways I could hurt myself. It honestly feels like my brains on fire I’m starting to think I might have some kind of destructive brain tumour because I can’t comprehend how this can all be mental illness. It’s the ‘urge’ I can’t deal with it feels so real. I’ve had mental illness and likely OCD my whole life but nothing has ever made me feel as scared and hopeless as this. I’ve been having horrible migraine attacks daily for months and I think the trigger is the stress and anxiety these thoughts cause. I feel like I can never rest. It’s like my head is caught in a vice and my eye sight is constant flashes and static. Blood tests normal and two eye tests back normal. I can barely work as my whole job is computer based. I don’t even know how I would begin to do ERP because it feels like I’d have to tackle EVERYTHING about being alive! I also don’t think I have any compulsions. If I do none of them provide any relief so it’s basically just me feeling like I’m going insane every single day since October. It’s impossible to relax when my brain thinks we’re either going to die of a brain tumour or going insane and hurting myself against my will or doing something to someone else that would mean I would have to kill myself. My brain honestly believes it’s inevitable I won’t be along for much longer and it’s petrifying. I don’t know how to get better until I can reset my body to get out of this cycle. How am I supposed to move forward when my brain and body is in constant fight and flight? Does anybody relate? My brain doesn’t even believe this is OCD anymore… I guess this is reassurance but I’m having such a terrible time.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 40w ago

help, I can’t do this anymore

Hello anyone reading, I just wanted to vent here because at this point i’m not sure what to do or if i’ll ever be normal and my OCD is causing my mental health to go down the drain badly. It’s so debilitating I can’t do anything daily other than focus on it. I can’t feel comfortable anywhere, not even in my own home. I deal with the type of OCD where i’m convinced things are contaminated with chemicals or feces or any number of things. TMI: For example when I used the bathroom the other day in a public one and it went off on its own so now i’m convinced I had feces all over me so I had to shower and wash my clothes. Now i can’t even sit in my car cause the seat supposedly is covered now too from the drive home. I can’t touch anything on my floor or anywhere for that matter without washing my hands like my phone charger or my feet/shoes/ankles, door knobs, handles, anything cause i don’t even know why anymore. I’m terrified of cleaning products being on me or touching them, people spraying anything. I can’t have my windows down in the car anymore because i’m terrified of someone’s window washer fluid getting all over me. I watched a video about a guy accidentally drinking paint thinner cause he kept it in a water bottle and had to convince myself that my water wasn’t paint thinner and etc These are just some of the examples I have and I don’t know how to get over it or handle it anymore and I feel like I’m literally going crazy. Any suggestions or advice would mean a lot. please

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My ocd got me feeling crazy, help

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