Explore more posts

Username: stxrmads

Date posted: 17w ago

end of relationship

someone please reach out im really not doing okay and this is the closest i think ive come to making the decision that ny relationship needs to end but i cant do it. it's gotten so bad that even being around my boyfriend doesn't calm me down or make me feel better out these feelings, it just makes me feel like they're more real. im not confident that I'm just dealing with ocd at all. I'm so worried that my relationship is beyond repair and that I've fallen out of love because of resentment from problems we have. I don't know what love feels like how do I even know and yeah I know lo e isn't a feeling it's a choice but it's so hard to make choices let alone the correct ones when I'm doubting every aspect of our lives and relationship. I don't want to prolong the inevitable and make us both more miserable until we decide to finally end it but I don't want to end it if things can get better and I will feel normal again and in love. not guilty every time I say I love you because then I have the thought that I shouldn't say it because I don't know anymore. How do I talk to him about this. I bring it up but then I gloss it over with a reason that is more understandable and true but less painfu then "I don't know if im falling out of love or even what love feels like and I don't even know myself anymore so I don't know how I feel" and then we kinda comfort eachother until we get too sleepy to stay awake. I know OCD messes with your brain and can make feelings feel so real when they aren't and thoughts that aren't logical make the most sense. I know how it works but having OCD doesn't mean you can't experience the same things other people experience in relationships. So how do you know the difference.

Relationship OCD

Username: JorgeMac2017JorgeMac2017

Date posted: 17w ago

Man i feel you on that one! Ocd sucks and it can make you not be sure of reality and think the opposite of where you want to be. Its tough be getting help now is the best thing. I didnt get help 7 years ago and its just gotten worse. I wish i should have it would have helped my wife and i alot! You dont have to do anything just get help and try to not over stress or over analyze everything start by enjoying the moments. God be with you in this time. He’s got you!

Username: stxrmadsstxrmads

Date posted: 17w ago

thank you so much. knowing people relate really helps out.

Username: Justin TroutJustin Trout

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 17w ago

I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling right now. It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough and confusing time, and it's important to know that you're not alone in this. What you're describing—feeling unsure about your relationship, questioning your feelings, and being overwhelmed by doubt—can be part of OCD, especially when it comes to Relationship OCD (ROCD). OCD has a way of making us question things that others might not, leading to doubt, anxiety, and even guilt. But it's also true that having OCD doesn't mean you're immune to the real challenges that can come up in relationships. Here are a few steps that might help you navigate this: Recognize that your OCD might be amplifying your doubts and fears. It can make you question your feelings and even convince you that your worst fears are true. This is part of how OCD works, and it's important to remind yourself of that. While it's difficult, try to differentiate between what the OCD is telling you and what you genuinely feel. This isn't easy, and it might take time and practice. Sometimes, this involves sitting with the discomfort of not knowing for sure and resisting the urge to seek certainty. Be kind to yourself. You're dealing with something incredibly difficult, and it's okay not to have everything figured out. Give yourself the grace to feel confused and uncertain without pressuring yourself to have all the answers right away. If you're not already working with a NOCD therapist, it might be helpful to do so. They can guide you through Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy, which is specifically designed to help people with OCD sit with uncertainty and reduce the power of obsessive thoughts. All therapists at NOCD are trained to treat OCD using ERP. Practice Patience: Healing and clarity take time. It's okay to take things slow and allow yourself the space to understand what's happening without rushing to a decision. Remember, it's okay to feel confused and unsure—those feelings don't define your love or the fate of your relationship. You're taking an important step by reaching out for help, and that's something to be proud of. Take it one step at a time. You got this!

Username: stxrmadsstxrmads

Date posted: 17w ago

Thank you so much. I have reached out and had conversations with lovely people at NOCD about beginning my healing journey with ERP, but it's not in the cards for me right now as my insurance is not in network with NOCD in North Carolina. So it's led me to try and do my best with what I have available to me. Your kind words and encouragement mean so much and it makes me feel extremely validated. Could you recommend any resources (books, podcasts, websites, ect.) that someone who doesn't have access to therapy right now would find beneficial?

Username: Justin TroutJustin Trout

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 17w ago

@stxrmads - Yes of course! I thought you'd never ask. I have this sitting on a file on my laptop for anybody and all sorts of OCD. Hope this helps. Podcasts The OCD Stories: This podcast features stories and interviews with people living with OCD, including those with ROCD. It offers insights from experts and individuals sharing their experiences. Your Anxiety Toolkit: Hosted by Kimberley Quinlan, a licensed marriage and family therapist, this podcast offers tools and tips for managing OCD and anxiety, with specific episodes dedicated to ROCD. All The Hard Things: A podcast by Jenna Overbaugh, a therapist who specializes in OCD. She covers various aspects of OCD, including ROCD, with practical advice and encouragement. Books "Relationship OCD: A CBT-Based Guide to Moving Beyond Obsessive Doubt, Anxiety, and Fear" by Sheva Rajaee: This book offers practical tools and techniques for managing ROCD through cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and exposure and response prevention (ERP). "Loving Someone with OCD: Help for You and Your Family" by Karen J. Landsman, Kathleen M. Parrish, and Cherry Pedrick: Although this book focuses on OCD in general, it provides valuable insights for partners and families dealing with OCD, including ROCD. "The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD: A Guide to Overcoming Obsessions and Compulsions Using Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" by Jon Hershfield and Tom Corboy: This workbook offers exercises that can help you manage ROCD by combining mindfulness with CBT techniques. "Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: A Personalized Recovery Program for Living with Uncertainty" by Jonathan Grayson: This book provides a comprehensive approach to treating OCD, including chapters on ROCD, with practical strategies for dealing with uncertainty.

Username: stxrmadsstxrmads

Date posted: 17w ago

@NOCD Therapist - Justin T. I appreciate you taking the time and I will be utilizing these resources! Thank you so so much!

Username: Justin TroutJustin Trout

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 17w ago

@stxrmads - You are very welcome! Good luck!

Username: stxrmadsstxrmads

Date posted: 17w ago

and now i feel more calm now the my boyfriend left and is gone for work?? like I used to be worse when he was gone and better are nothing changed when he was with me but today I'm less anxious while he's gone but was more anxious when he was with me?? that could mean so many bad things. It could just be because I vented pretty extensively on here and it made me feel a bit better but I'm worried this means there really is something wrong. like confirmation.

Username: Courage2ContinueCourage2Cont...

Date posted: 17w ago

@stxrmads It could be a form of avoidance as well. If you aren’t around an OCD trigger, you’re naturally going to feel a bit better as well

Username: stxrmadsstxrmads

Date posted: 17w ago

@Courage2Continue if my boyfriend is a trigger and even saying I love you is a trigger, how am I supposed to be able to maintain a relationship with him especially one that I have so many doubts about

Username: Courage2ContinueCourage2Cont...

Date posted: 17w ago

@stxrmads Do you feel like the doubts are rooted in concerns that reflect your values? I think something that helped me was I was in an awful relationship where I didn’t feel valued/seen/heard/respected and it was clear that their expectations of the relationship and what they wanted to happen was completely out of line for myself and my own goals, and I value having a partner that enjoys spending quality time with me in a healthy and productive way that allows open communication regarding problems. You could try figuring out what you value in a partner and what you want your dating life to be like, and see how it all matches up? If you look at John Gottman’s research though, even if both partners are willing to work on the relationship issues, usually the disagreements tend to stay the same, it’s just the repair attempts that improve, and the communication that gets a little better regarding the repeated issues. So are the relationship issues something that you feel like you can manage for the rest of forever?

Username: Anonymous243Anonymous243

Date posted: 16w ago

Hi I dont really know what to say for advice because I’m going through something sort of similar. I just want to say that on my post about my boyfriend’s porn addiction, you gave me such a helpful and thorough response and I am so grateful for it. You are obviously a very smart person and I have no doubt that you can get through this. I know it feels like your ocd hasnt gotten better but please remember that recover is not linear. Whatever ends up happening, you got this. Do your best to take control over your ocd. I hope things get better ❤️

Username: stxrmadsstxrmads

Date posted: 16w ago

thank you so much for your kind response! I hope you are doing well 🫶

Username: Yordelis14@Yordelis14@

Date posted: 11d ago

Going through something similar are you doing better now ?

Username: nlnnoaia

Date posted: 5y ago

Okay so I need some help because I don’t know how I am supposed to keep going. During recovery from POCD I met my boyfriend. He wasn’t really my type but he somehow made me wanna spend more time with him. He developed feelings for me very fast but meanwhile I wasn’t developing anything. I know that I liked him and I felt happy and good with him by my side but I was constantly thinking he isn’t my type, I thought he wasn’t that attractive and didn’t feel any butterflies or fast heart beating. But we still met every weekend and I was very reserved because I didn’t have much relationship experience before and was very insecure about the whole situation. So I told my friend about my lack of feelings and she said I should still give it a try, a lot of relationships start without heavy feelings and I thought I didn’t give any boy a chance who wanted to get to know me better so why not give it a try. I knew I liked him and his attitude, his character, his believes, everything was perfect but there wasn’t any attraction or heavy feelings, not even during our first kiss. But I thought maybe I’ll develop feelings after some weeks/months. I was curious because I felt a connection and wanted to spend time with him. BUT I noticed that during the time we were dating I had eyes for other guys. I was already feeling a little bit bad like „Why do you think he’s more attractive than your guy“ and stuff like this. After a few weeks/months I noticed that I developed feelings for my guy. Not the heavy ones with butterflies and heart beating but more deeper ones I guess. I thought he was almost perfect for me. Everything about him is just like I wanted my boyfriend to be. I still couldn’t wish for a better one, really. During the time we became intimate and I noticed I care a lot about him, I developed feelings, my POCD came back far worse than before. One sentence really got me. „I don’t care about anything that you think as long as you do not use me to prove yourself that you’re not attracted to children“, he said. I began to think about that. POCD got worse and worse and I was losing it. Right now, I am so very afraid my feelings towards him aren’t enough or real. I still struggle with the attraction thing. It already was pretty hard to develop feelings but the last couple of weeks I barely felt anything towards him. I was constantly thinking about my POCD and not loving him. I don’t know what’s going on. What’s real and what isn’t. I know that the thought of breaking up with him makes me cry SO HARD. I know that I don’t want to lose him. But I feel so bad because of my lack of feelings in the beginning of the relationship, during a time I thought I was able to develop feelings towards others. I almost want to confess everything to him and make sure he’d still want to be with me. I feel so guilty. Moreover I feel like am not capable of feeling and having emotions towards anything at the moment. Like, I want to feel something when I’m with him but as soon as I feel or not feel something I compare it to POCD feelings, ask myself a lot of what if and is this right questions. I think a lot about breaking up with him because i feel like I don’t deserve him. He deserves someone better, maybe someone who truly loves him and not someone who’s constantly questioning it. I am just so afraid that it’s something I force, that it’s wrong and I am a liar. I don’t feel anything at the moment but sadness. I’m crying a lot lately and feeling desperate because I don’t want us to end but my mind keeps telling me I should leave him because it’s not real, not enough. I don’t know what to do anymore I feel so lost ? is it possible that OCD does such things? Twisting emotions and feelings making you feel wrong and numb lowers the feelings of attraction? Now I think I’m trying to find excuses for my thoughts and feelings but I just don’t know what’s going on anymore. POCD is one thing, but the whole thing with my boyfriend is making it so much worse. It’s making me want to quit. I’m also very afraid of recovery because I am afraid that POCD is real and that I still can’t develop feelings for him or think that this doesn’t work out/is wrong. Please, I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like a liar, even typing these words. I feel like I don’t mean them. It’s making me hate myself and myself so much I can’t take it any longer ????

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

i'm scared I don't have OCD, I used to be 50/50 about it but now I just keep doubting I do. The reason i'm scared is because I can't feel anything for my girlfriend anymore, sometimes I do and want to love up on her but other times I just feel unnatracted to her and don't feel anything for her. This is taking a tole on the both of us, she cries alot because she knows what i'm going through but it's also hurting her. I also sometimes (not very often) think about breaking up with her or being with someone else and it scares me because I want to love her and only her and only be with her. I'm afraid I should break up with her but I really don't want to. Whenever she compliments me I get uncomfortable, sometimes whenever she says I love you I hesitate to say it because I feel kind of guilty and I can't really feel anything. She picks up on all of these things which makes it even harder to really hide. i know I shouldn't hide it but she's the crying type and I upset her too much already with all of this. Someone please tell me they can relate or that it's OCD, can someone please help me?

Username: .ketamine.ki...

Date posted: 3y ago

My relationship OCD has been severe lately and with seemingly no trigger to cause this flare up. I am constantly anxious, doubtful and panicked that I don't love my partner, overanalyzing whether or not I'm attracted to him, and ruminating on the numbness I feel when we are together. Every idea I can come up with to test and check to see if there's that love feeling, that attraction or interest/excitement in doing things together feels invalid, like it won't work. I get triggered further when my partner asks me if I'm okay, and that wave of panic comes back. I can't tell if this is OCD, or if it's my gut telling me it's not a relationship I should stay in. We've been together for five years, I'm not in OCD therapy, and I've been off meds for four months now.

Relationship OCD

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

end of relationship

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community